A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I need major help. I can't help like i am setting myself up for heartbreak all the time with my current bf. i started dating one of my best friends about 9 months after i got out of my first long relationship which lasted 4 years. i was so happy when we first started dating and i thought i had never been treated so well in my life. skip to about 2 months ago and now he treats m like im not even his friend now. he says rude things to me all the time and never shows affection a lot, and never around others. when i ask him to talk about it he just says he was kidding, says he never even said(did) that, or just says nothing to me. the worst part is he is lying to me now and not about very big things, but he has cheated on the girlfriends hes had and that makes me nervous. My friends have even said to me that its so rude how he treats me around them. Im a true believer in relationships need work, but what can i do or say to him to make this perfect again. i really want this to be ok, or does that just make me crazy?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2007): Dont listen to all that rubbish about compromise, some men are just so stubborn that the word compromise is like a foreign language to them, stop being affraid of loosing him, your worth more than that. The problem with dating one of your best firends/ friends is that the transaction from friends to lovers is one that is will take time, its seems like he is treating you like a friend BUT he got in the relationship knowing things would have to change so if he isnt treating you with respect then the relationship will never work. My ex treated me exactly like you are being treated, i felt like a door mat, he spoke to me the way he wanted, he insulted me infront of people and he would always say 'your over reacting', and just because i loved him i let him get away with it, what will eventually happen is that you will become paranoid at every little thing he does and you will end up pushing him away. Wat i did, was i treated myself to a new hair cut and colour, i brought a sexy black dress with sexy underwear (sexy underwear will automatically make you feel sexy from the inside) then organised a nightout with friends and i went out, not only did i feel good but my firends cheered me up and for the whole night i didnt once think about him!!! you need to find yourself again, become stronger, if he is rude to you be rude back sticks and stones remember!!! if he askes you why did you say that, turn around and say you were only joking!!! the key thing to remember is that men will cheat regardless of what you do, if they want to cheat they will nothing can stop them,just open your eyes to the tell tell signs of cheating, ie: hiding his phone, making up excuses why he has to go out? sort yourself out you you deserve better!!!! i too also beleive in making things work but you cant do it by your self there has to be two people involved, if he aint listening to your needs then may its best you remain friends. You have just come out of a long relationship may be some single time is what you need!!!!!!
A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (25 September 2007):
 You sound like a Mrs. Fixit. You can't fix behaviors, the person who displays them has to take the action to change them. What happens, I mention this quite a bit, we learn to settle. We compromise what we want, because we don't want to loose the little bit we still have.
Time to get strong, and renegotiate the boundaries of your relationship. If he doesn't want to talk about it, say "ok then just listen" Tell him you are not happy with the way things are going. I don't care if he's just kidding or not, if it's uncomfortable to you, it needs to stop. What we say isn't about us, it's about who is affected by what we say. You need to tell him you don't at all appreciate the way he has been acting toward you and in front of other people. You're not with him to just hang out and have act as if you're invisible. You need attention in this relationship, and a sense of belonging, which he is not giving you.
You both need to sit down and discuss what you see the issues in your relationship as being, and if it's going to work out you need to compromise to come up with solutions that will help you grow your relationship and will benefit both of you being in it.
Remember, we teach people how to treat us. If we just settle for whatever, that leaves us open to being treated any way they choose to. You need to have clear boundaries of proper and not proper treatment and stick to them. Relationships do take work, but they are also suppose to be happy and beneficial, if there not, we either negotiate our treatment, or we find someone who has the respect we deserve.
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A
female
reader, Neshelle +, writes (24 September 2007):
 Well I am pretty much in the same situation as you except that he has nevr cheated. Some times it is better to sit them down and ask what is going on. I with mine for the first time that he started becomming distant from me I broke up with him becuase he would not talk to me and it was always me he was fine. But I can feel it when he does not call me or text me or when we are home have any realy interest in hanging out with me. When we go out he is very nice and all over me but when we are at home it changes. The first time I left him and he begged me back I told him that it was not something that I wanted to deal with when I was in a relationship since I just got out of a 6 year marriage. He then was sweet caring understanding and made me feel like I was loved. That was December of last year and here we are again. In the same place.
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