A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I are both 18 however he is still in his last year of school and I stayed in this town because I met him, and we decided we would move away for university together next year. We have a really really good connection and have been together almost a year.Past couple of months school got busy for him. He had no time for me and I became really naggy, whingeing and complaining all the time, I hated I was that way but I was miserable, I was used to having him around and I'm completely dependent on him for emotional stability, (trying to change that - just been so hard because I literally have no one else left in this town except him and then my job -which is horrible too).He finally had a school break a month ago and it was really good, we went away together for a few days and spent a lot of time together. But I was still in that 'whinging nothing is good enough if we're not together' state of mind, and I tried telling him we had changed, and he said we hadn't, but that I had, I wasn't fun anymore and just always sad. It was true though and I accepted it, had a good cry, and promised to try my best to just be happy. Which it worked for the following two weeks.This past week however, he hasn't got a phone as it was stolen and it's been really hard to keep in contact with him and frustrated me a lot.On Tuesday I was calling his house phone and he didn't come home till 6pm, when he finishes school at 3 i was concerned something had happened to him so when i finally got hold of him I was pretty worked up due to worrying he died in a car crash as there was a storm and I stammered him with a million questions and he got angry, fair enough. So i rang him to apologise after he had calmed down hours later but usually after any fight after we take time out to calm down, everythings good again, but I could tell in his voice he was still frustrated at me.Through limited communication I asked him to hang out after school yesterday but he never turned up, and I left him messages on skype asking for an explantation, which there was an explanation he had to do something for school but because he didn't have a phone he couldn't tell me.After that fight a few days ago his bestfriend text me and told me I need to give him a bit of a break because I was making him unhappy. So I spoke to his bestfriend last night again and ask if I was ruining things, and he said I wasn't, but that my boyfriend said I was being clingy and he probably just needs some space.I had a huge cry and talk to Mum about it last night and she told me to just back off. Don't message him, let him come to me. And I got my head in the right place, I don't want to whinge and complain, I'm definitely snapping out of that stupid mindset that everythings not okay, I have to deal with the fact he can't be there for me every second of every day and just appreciate the time we do get together.Mum told me not to send him anymore messages. But I sent him one message saying to ignore everything else I've been saying and I apologised, explained that I realise I've been crowding him and I've got my head in the right place now and just want to be the girl he fell in love with again. We had plans for Saturday night so I mentioned that I hope we can still do that because I want to make up for everything.Because Mum told me not to send ANY more messages, is it a bad idea that I did? It was a lengthy message too :/ but I wanted to let him know I was done with the stupid childish whingeing and wishing for the perfect relationship when I've been stupid not to see I have one right in front of me.I think it will go one of two ways, he will either be relieved that I'm actually realising this and do just want make both of us happy instead of drowning him in sadness (which is how he was like when he approached me on school break that I wasn't happy anymore - relieved that i was then dedicated to being happy) - Or he will think 'oh yay another long message.. i wish she would shutup', but it's not like my other messages I've left him over past that were like 'i really need to talk to you i dont want to nag you about it but please please please please kinda thing' and this new message i left him is more like 'crap i am so sorry i've been nagging you i didnt realise it but i'm ready to get out of that emotional state and just appreciate everything we have'.So please, was it a bad idea I sent him the message? I know I've been crowding him and been a terrible nagging girlfriend but I'm out of that for good.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTurns out it was a good idea. He was very grateful for it. Thankgoddd.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI think the reason I sent him that last message about it was because I needed to write it down, me saying I AM going to change and stick this out till the shit with him at school and his parents controlling him is over, and sent it to him so that one, I had it in writing, but that I gave it to him in writing, just makes me feel like I'll stick to it. I made him a promise that I want to cut out being the whinging girlfriend thinking nothing's ever good enough. when it actually is, so now that I've made that promise, I know I'll stick to it. Something my mum also said is how the maturity level differs so much between males and females at my age. She told me I am hoping he'll act like a 25 year old, but the truth is, he's only 18. We have a serious relationship and committment to each other and he loves that, but at the moment there's no need to make everything in it so damn serious and thus hard. We both are starting some of the best years in our lives, so I don't blame him for wanting me to just be fun and happy all the time. Thanks for your advice CindyCares. As for the message, he didn't mind it, we spoke over the phone and he was normal. He doesn't have a job and his parents won't buy him another phone, I've offered to buy him a phone but I've spent so much money on him past few weeks he doesn't want me to give him money, which is okay, I'll just make sure we find him one this week after everythings settled after we spend tomorrow night together.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (14 October 2011):
 You should have listened to your mom, yes, it wasn't a good idea. Now, don't panic- it was a bad idea not like he'll never want to talk to you again- more like he'll roll his eyes and say : here she goes again. Why ? Because you did it before, promises promises and then, after a few days or weeks, you are at it again. Don't say things, DO them. If you think about it , it's also funny/ironic, that you sent him ANOTHER message, probably long winded and emotional, to explain him that you don't mean to nag him and you don't want to crowd him and you don't want to cling and you don't want to be needy and so on and on and on...the form ( message ) belies the content ( I am giving you space )! The best proof that you understood you need to give him space... would have been actually giving him space .Luckily, in life, every new day is a " from now on ". From now on, don't just announce that you want to change- but CHANGE.Anyway... why can't he get another phone cell ? A vary basic model - or a second hand one ? How expensive could that be ?? If he is really so broke or so frugal- you buy him one ( then don't blow it with tons of calls, though, OK ?:)
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