A
female
age
41-50,
*issD
writes:after ten year with my children father and owning our home still I feel he is cheating because he sill won't marry me. He says its not me because I am a good person, what should I do. He has since recently started sleeping in another room what is this? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Cateyes  +, writes (22 May 2007):
 I know a couple who was in this same situation except they were together for over 14 years. He refused to get married, merely because HE felt he had been betrayed by her early on in their relationship. Now I am not saying this is your situation, because there were other factors as well. Both of them had cheated in their marriage and were always arguing and fighting. Personally, I think when both partners are "good" people, sometimes one may not see themselves as worthy enough for the other...thus, just staying together versus marriage is the key answer because there is no paper, no ring, nothing "official" to worry about if the relationship went "south of the border". As far as him sleeping in another room...I would have hoped you would have asked the first night why did he feel he had to sleep in the other room. Asking was it something you said or did to upset him? And then see what he says...but making sure you get an answer. Poor communication, or not saying what's really on your mind to ease your mind just makes things difficult as well as add's plenty of stress to you. You never know what could be going through his mind...it may and may not be another woman...it could be just something he is going through and feels he cannot talk to you about it. But assuring him that you are always there for him and letting him know how much you love him could be the possible key to what he may need to hear. I know we all want to assume, but before we do, let's have facts first. I do believe however, a woman can sense the gut feeling of an affair...so I will say, what your gut tells you, probably keep it low until there is proof. I will also say, that sometimes a man/woman may not feel or have that comfort zone to really talk about what's on their mind because they do not see their spouse as their best friend to talk about anything that is on their mind...when they should. Sometimes when this happens, they turn to a friend...and not always one they should. With what little I have to go on, I personally would start out by having a "one on one" talk...where both of you find, I mean, MAKE the time to talk. If you need to write all your questions down ahead of time, do so...so you don't forget. Then, let him know you want to get married..if everything is fine that is. If he doesn't want to, ask him why then. If the answer if not good enough for you to live with, then YOU must make the choice AND be happy with what he says, otherwise, move on if you know this is only going to bring you sadness. Don't use this as a threat tactic either, because it doesn't work but will only backfire. So, be honest with yourself on what you can and cannot live with. I do wish you the best and hope and pray it works out between you two.
Good Luck!!
A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (22 May 2007):
 Well, either he has some problem (impotence) or something of that nature (or past sexual abuse that he never told you about), or maybe he recently found out he is gay. Either way something is going on.
The fact he will not marry you after all this time...RED FLAG. Now he is not sleeping with you?
Check with a lawyer just in case, and know your rights.
This is not normal. Something big is coming, and you need to be ready. I do not think it is something as simple as an affair here.
-FBK
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A
male
reader, kenny  +, writes (21 May 2007):
 I think the key here is communication. He has obviously got underlying issues about something which is why he is refusing to marry you, and has gone to sleep in another room. You should demand an expalanation sooner rather than later, because things can't go on this way. Get them sorted then at least you will know where you stand.
Good luck x
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (21 May 2007):
 Ask him why he moved out of your bedroom. If marriage is that important to you then tell him, if he loves you he will want to make you happy. If he doesn't want to still then you have to decide whether you want him or you want a husband. You need to figure out what will make you the happiest.
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