A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I hate feeling like a best friend instead of a wife. The lack of intimacy in this relationship is making me feel less like a lover and more like a friend with each passing day. I feel like I am someone to spend time with, to cuddle with, and to hang out with. Sometimes I regret not making more of an issue of this. He needs to deal with his weight and stress issues (these are his excuses on why we are not more intimate). I watch porn and masturbate a lot just to have release. I fantasize about being with him in different situations even imagining him to be a different kind of person, like my boss or a stranger. I don’t think my husband understands this deficit in our marriage makes me feel unwanted. I feel like we are an elementary school couple. Where saying I love you and a little kiss here and there is appropriate. I don’t feel like a desirable woman in any capacity. Maybe if I changed and took more pride in my appearance, he would come to me more. We are going on 2 months with no sexual contact, but I have had longer dry seasons. I bet we made love a total of six times last year. What a record huh? Sure if I mention it, he will offer to perform oral sex on me, to pacify me. I need more! I want more! My husband and I have spoken about this issue before and he always reassures me that he will do better but then he never follows through. How can I continue on like this? I am lost.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2007): I don't really have much advice, just a comment that I understand your situation really well. In the last few years my boyfriend has had a much lower libido than me, and after years of being rejected everytime I made a move, it's killed mine too. Not a happy story.
A
female
reader, deejuliet +, writes (22 May 2007):
 I notice that you said that maybe if you took more pride in your appearance that might help. It just might! If you are not taking pride in your appearance, how can he? This doesnt mean that you have to be a perfect beauty queen, but dress nice, do your hair, maybe put on some makeup. Have that romantic evening that Nicola suggests. Dont just expect things to happen. Make them happen!!
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A
female
reader, nicola79  +, writes (22 May 2007):
 maybe he has a problem that he doesnt think he can talk to you about. you may be best bringing it up again and ask him if something is wrong?
tell him that he can tell you anything and that if he does have a problem then you can work through it together.
why dont you cook a meal and open a bottle or 2 and make it as romantic as you can,then you take controll and see how that goes? he does love you by the sound of things so dont be worried about that,i think he must be scared about something or he must just have a low sex drive.
ether way you do need to talk about this as its a 2 way relationship and you both have to be happy for this to work.
i do hope everything goes ok for you both.
nicola.xxxxxxxxxx
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