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female
,
anonymous
writes: I have a long term partner, who has starved me of sex for years. I love him and we are working on this problem, but my self-esteem is absolutely crushed by this. I almost had an affair with a man because he made me feel wanted, but then he rejected me too. This did further damage to my self-esteem. I play a sport which I love, and the instructor and i had a flirty thing going on, but recently i have been injured and out of the picture. My best mate there, who knew all about the almost affair, has got in there and now he is all over her. to the extent that is isaffecting our training. she is married, much older and overweight, so i think that i must be a seriously unnactractive person. worst part is she already had the man i nearly had anaffair with, and she knows i fancy the sports instructor. anyone got any suggestions how i can pick myself up? i dont feel like leaving the house ever again. and is this girl really my friend or was she pretending to be there for me?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2006): I would suggest speaking to your partner expalin to him how you feel about the lack of sex.
us women tend to see sex as a way of becoming closer to our partner, and feeling atrative and loved. If you tell him all these things then he should understand your problem.
Have you asked him he has any problems, he might have an embarassing rectile problem and may be too embarrassed to speak to you about it.
Im a firm believer that in fighting for the one you love, I would advise you not tolook else where for sex as this will just fill you with guilt and make you feel worse.
Ok try the things that i have suggested to you and if you need further advice then come to me, Ive been in your shoes and it sound like your depressed. Depression is a serious thing I'm dealing with it myself and now the good days out weigh the bad days. so dont worry you will start to feel better soon.
Good luck and Chin up
XX
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2006): I think you should put your relationship in the spotlight, try and get it back on track. If it isn't going anywhere then move on. You cannot blame your mate for all that's happened, you are in a relationship, you cannot expect everyone else to put theirs on hold because of you. It's not about them it's about you. Don't get into anymore 'nearly' relationship. Get one of your own. Get yourself sorted. If its over with you and your partner then move on. Come on, life is too short, don't waste anymore of it. Best Wishes.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2006): Deal with the absence of a sex life in any way except having an affair. That your instructor went for your pudgy friend (once you were out of the picture) ought to clue you as to what it is all about (worthless physical gratification). You aren't the only person in this situation, so don't act as if you are. Be strong, and good luck. Remember, you might have it bad, but at least you're not H. Clinton.
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A
female
reader, Toria +, writes (7 November 2006):
 I think you need to either completely work on your current relationship or get out of it, your relationship is bringing you down but if you are prepared to work through the issues thats good but at the moment it seems your more caught up on who you wanted and who your mate keeps getting together with.
Just because your mate is older and more overweight doesn't mean she isn't someone to be attracted to or that you aren't but confidence is something alot of people find attractive in someone and if you've not got any at the moment would therefore be lacking a attractive quality.
Try working on yourself and your selfesteam and confidence issues before working through your relationship or starting something else up with someone else.
Good luck :o)
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