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female
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anonymous
writes: I suspected my partner was cheating on me earlier in the year. What happened recently though was the person I thought he was cheating with told me he had been cheating - but with someone else. Anyway, he has (predictably) denied this. He knows damn well I will walk if I get concrete proof. I'm considering investing in a device which recalls deletd txts in order to trace his deleted messages (the sim he had in his phone at the time was mine). Any thoughts on this?I know this is sneaky and I'm ashamed that I've been reduced to this, but I have to know the truth. I've invested so much in this relationship and I feel like I've been made a mug of. I'm a shadow of my former self while this is hanging over me and giving him the benefit of the doubt isn't working. What are the 'classic' cheating signs? He's been lovely over the last few months since I challenged him and the 'overnight stopovers' at 'friends' houses stopped, but I think his niceness is more to do with his guilt and his fear of losing me than anything else. I'm so mixed up - I feel pathetic. Should I just kick him to the kerb? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2005): Pops IS RIGHT similar situation we split
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (6 October 2005):
 I EMPHATICALLY DISAGREE with Pops, there is NOTHING worse than a cheating spouse. But you just said "partner" so if you aren't married, walk away and find someone else you can trust. If you are married then get the dirt and and use it when you divorce the creep. And by the way YOU aren't the one who needs the counseling.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2005): i dont think that u should feel ashamed because i was dating a guy like that and i didnt only have proof he had told me the truth and i was just like you sneaking aroud like that matter afact i went so low as to push redial on his cell or phone at home to see if he was doing anything after u find something out like that there no turning back the more u try to for give the more it keep eating your insides till you have no pride left in you so yes you did the right thing for it was ur heart you where trying to protect well i hope you liked my adivse
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A
female
reader, TRUITY +, writes (5 October 2005):
Hey girl, its your insecurities that are the problem here, you know you are working from your own standards here, may be its you who cant be trusted? Either trust him, or finish the relationship this stuff is very unhealthy for both of you.
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reader, pops +, writes (5 October 2005):
The only thing worse than a cheater, is someone who invades a person's privacy to cath him at it. If your relationship has deterriorated this much, then Walk now. Or get professional counseling for both of you. I can't believe you think it is okay to sneak around spying on him ! Either you trust each other, and love each other or you Don't. That trust broke down long before this stuff began. And, it broke down because of things you both have done to each other. What you are doing is unhealthy for you and for him. If you can't resist, or stop, get away from him, for your own mental health.
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