A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:i have been married to my husband for 30 years and i want out so bad that it makes me sick. i tell him and it is as if he doesn't hear me. he just keeps tellig me what all he has done for me and how hard he has worked. forgettong that i have work through out the marriage and raised 2 children while he was out sowing his oats. he says i've changed. maybe i have finally grown up. i was only 15 when we got married. but problem is why do i feel so quilty about wanting to leave and live my life.he doesn't listen to me and he never gives me credit for anything. we just sold our house so i feel this is a perfect time to end it. but he says im going to put my money in the bank and it is not going to be taken out. he forgets half of that money is mine. my question is should i feel so much quilt for wanting out.or should i stay and just go on pretending? i"ve never been in love and would like to feel that before i die. thank you for listening.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2007): I felt the same way before too towards my marriage at one time. I got married when I was 20 and now I'm 35.
Questions:
1. Is your husband abusive to you and been given several chances to change, yet continue to be so and not willing to change?
2. Is he unfaithful and continue be to so and not willing to change?
3. Is he really that bad that the only solution is for you to leave your marriage to stay alive?
If none of these questions apply, but the only reason you have is that you no longer love him or maybe luck of understanding or communication between you and your spouse, then I think you need to seek help spiritually, before you do anything. Pray about it and ask God to guide you.
Marriage is indeed for lifetime as God intended it to be.
No one is perfect. No one can make you happy. Only God is perfect and can meet all your needs.
I no longer feel the same way with my marriage. I prayed about it and gave it up to God. It is really true that God will answer your prayer if your motive is for good. God has restored my marriage and rekindled our love and provided even more... If love was not there before, He certainly is able to provide. God is the author of love.
May God bless you and your family.
A
female
reader, LauraE  +, writes (13 August 2007):
Hi,
Cheating married men love to be in this situation. He has a wife and home, and he has a young mistress who loves him. Why would he ever want to change that? He won’t change it. Sometimes married people fall in love and leave home. I’m not saying it’s right, but it happens. But it hasn’t happened this time, and it isn’t going to. A year is more than enough time to know how he feels. They always say ‘just be patient’, or ‘I don’t love her anymore’, or ‘we never have sex anymore’, and it is always a lie. Two of my friends got pregnant whilst their husbands were cheating, and both times the mistresses were distraught to realise that they had been lied and lied to. The hard truth is that he doesn’t love you as much as you love him. If he did he would be with you. I know you will struggle to leave him right now if you are deeply in love – although you should. But please start trying to move away. The longer you stay, the more painful it will be.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (13 August 2007):
 I have been through this myself and totally understand what you are going through. When your in a loveless marriage the misery can be enourmous and you do get to a stage in your life (for me it was in my late 30's) when you do yearn for something better. You feel trapped and frustrated, but the thought of breaking the marriage seems too huge of a task and when the other partner insists you stay by using emotional blackmail and financial control, it can make matters worse. I have this to say to you (and reflect on both previous good answers from flowergirl and laura) you do have rights and mostly the right to live your life as you want it. Getting out of a marriage is like getting out of a tar pit, its difficult and sticky and the residue can seem to last for an age, but it is possible. You are entitled to half your husbands wealth and there is not much he can do to stop you claiming it. He cannot force you to stay in a marriage where you are unhappy. I am not familiar with the procedure in the states, but here in england, if you can prove you have lived seperate lives for 2 years, then you can divorce without giving a reason, I am sure you must have a similar thing there.
If your not happy then just do it...see a lawyer and get the ball rolling. You will go through highs and lows and it can be a struggle, but there is nothing like gaining back your freedom and independance. Just ride with it, hold on tight and make it so.
Good luck and let me know how you get on.
hugs to you
Aunty Em xxx
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A
female
reader, LauraE +, writes (13 August 2007):
Hi,
Maybe you feel guilty because you were brought up to believe that marriage is forever. We all hope that it is forever, and should try our best to make it so. But you have tried – for 30 years. You were way too young to be married at 15. You had really not grown up by that age, so it is not surprising at all that you picked the wrong man. Ask any woman if she could or should have married the boy she knew at 15, and 99% of them will be horrified at the thought. You have stuck with it despite never being in love. You really have paid your dues by now haven’t you? You have the second half of your life to think about now. Of course it’s hard to seriously think about leaving after all that time. It is perfectly normal to feel guilty and scared. But you shouldn’t let this stop you. By staying with him, you aren’t really doing him a favour either. Maybe he could find someone to really love him as well. What if you leave it another 5 years , or 10? Won’t it be even scarier then? Now is the time, like you say. The house has been sold, so that’s one of the big hurdles sorted already. He is saying stuff about the money, because he doesn’t want you to leave. You should get advice from a lawyer, don’t just take your husband’s word for it. If half the money is yours, then he can’t keep it from you. Call a lawyer today. Don’t waste the rest of your life. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, flower girl +, writes (13 August 2007):
 It you feel this way then no you should not feel guilty about and if you want to get your own place and he will not give you the money which is rightfully yours, then you will have to go and see a solicitor.
You can not go on wasting your life in a marriage you are not happy in, you are still young enough to move on and start again.
Take care.xx.
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