A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I broke up with and started no contact with my LONG DISTANCE ex about 5 weeks ago. 3 weeks after we broke up he had a new girlfriend. The final time I spoke to him he was very cruel, and I decided no contact was best for me to heal.1 week after out final chat, which was horrible, he posted on twitter, "hey not sure if you still check up on this but just messaging you to see if your alright. You dont have to come on skype, just making sure your safe and ok. Erm yea would be nice to get a little message on here. Thanx xxxxx"I never responded, still hurt, and obviously not ready yet to be friends. Plus I was still pissed at the way he treated me the last time we spoke.Last week I started getting really depressed, and these feelings of, "omg, is he the one? will he still want to be my friend? should i contact him?" kept coming into my head. Luckily, I didn't contact him. I had to tell myself that I wasn't in the emotional state to, especially if, god forbid, he mentioned his new girl when talking to me.Today he wrote on twitter again, "How you doing, not heard anything from you. You ok ???? xxxx" This is exactly a month since his last post. So, he didn't try to contact me for a month.I haven't responded. I really would like opinions on this. I know him, and have this feeling that he just wants an ego boost. I think he wants to know that I still check his twitter, and have feelings for him. But I don't WANT him to know that, and honestly..I'm proud of myself for keeping no contact this long. I usually suck at it, and talk to him within a day, and I think he knows it..so now he's shocked that I haven't spoken to him at all.I just posted this to get some opinions. I mean, he has a new girlfriend right? And I haven't spoken to him since before he got her, but shouldn't he be happy with her, not wanting to check up on me? Does anyone have any opinions on why he's contacting me? (even though he doesn't know if i read it or not) Do you think he's doing it for that ego boost or because he actually cares? Or maybe just to see if I'm honestly not dead? And really, if he got a new girlfriend within 3 weeks of our breakup..he couldn't have cared for me that much right? So, is his contact really caring for me, or does he have an ulterior motive?BTW, He has NO way of telling how I'm doing. I don't have facebook, twitter, or anything he could go view. He only has my email, and messenger, and knows that I have his twitter link, but I haven't responded..so as far as he knows, I don't read it.I guess now I'm just second guessing myself again. I think that I want to be friends, then I don't. I realize that he's with someone else, I'm not over him, and talking to him as friends will just be a set back for me. But then I think that if I don't respond to his twitter's..like, what if he just stops? And he never tries to contact me again, and we really are never friends? I realize that once I'm fully over him I won't even care, and won't desire his friendship. Blah, it just hurts right now. So, any opinions on what to do with this would really help. Thank you.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2010): hi! i'm the writer of this, and i broke up with him because basically i felt like he was withdrawing from the relationship, and it was long distance, and it just wasnt working. we fought constantly, and i could tell he wanted to leave, just wasnt brave enough to end it, so i did. and obviously..since i'm the one whose hurt, and he's with a new girl already..i guess i was right that he did want out.
i do still have feelings for him. i think its mostly hurt, and sadness. i think our relationship wouldve worked had we lived near each other. he lives in the uk, i in the us. he just always talked about marriage, and how he wanted no one else, and he even came up with names for our kids. so how quickly he turned around and got a new girl is just such a slap. i don't know his new gf, she lives near him, so i've only seen her through facebook.
and i really have no idea why hes contacting me. haha but most people that i've asked for advice have said to not contact him, and hes probably just doing it to see if i still check up on him. and i dont want to give him that ego boost. he does have my number, but we've never called eachother before because of long distance charges. we usually communicate via skype, but i havent been on since the last time we spoke, so really the only way he could reach me is twitter.
but, im definitely not going to contact him. i dont regret my decision to leave him, but i do hate the fact that i'm the one who is caused pain. your advice sincerely helped me, it really did! thank you so much for taking the time to write such a lengthy reply, and actually read my long story haha. & youre right, he never apologized, so why would i want a friend who is cruel to me then doesnt apologize? hmmm, i dont! thank you again :)
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