A
female
age
51-59,
*lder-not-wiser
writes:my problem is quite complex..i'm 43 and a lesbian and should be in control of my heart and emotions but i am not it seems.i was in a relationship with another woman for 4 and a half years..but we grew apart..and she fell in love with a friend of ours..so she left me..but now she won't talk to me at all..and i have been in limbo for almost 7 months..it hurts like hell..i am trying to move on but i have so many unanswered questions in my head that i cannot get peace..because she won't see me..any suggestions?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2009): I understand your limbo. I kind of have a similar story to you. Except my 43 year old girlfriend of 4 years dumped me because she no longer wanted a long distance relationship. She wanted to remain friends but i love her too much to be 'just' a friend so i chose to cut off my nose to spite my face and have no contact at all and haven't for alomost a year.I still hurt, and still miss and love her deeply. I have found writing all my feeling, all of them, angry ones, sad ones and happy memories down in a book. My hope is one day she'll come back to me, maybe i'll let her read my book so we can truely understand each other and move on together. I wish you happiness mate, and hopefully we will both be pain free and happy soon.
A
female
reader, natasia +, writes (11 October 2009):
 why won't she see you?
will she not talk to you at all? not even email?
if she really won't talk to you, then you are going to have to work this out by yourself. if you were with her for so long then really you should know the answers to all the questions. i'm sure you do.
you very much need to move on. it sounds like you know that, but just need to achieve it. i'm sure you can. you have to stop seeing her as you do, and start seeing her as someone who has rejected you. You then need to go through the pain of that, and come out the other side. I'm sure you will.
Another method is: say 'bugger her - she didn't want me - her loss' and get out there talking to other people. Be very strict with yourself - no daydreaming, no dwelling. A bit like giving up smoking.
Either way, you have no choice. You have to move on, so you may as well do it asap and start enjoying your life again.
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