A
female
age
41-50,
*iddy
writes:I am in a relationship for 3 and half yrs two years ago my bf kissed my cousin. now i have just found out when i was out of town for one night he called to her house again looking for sex. it didnt happen or so im told anyway. i love him to bits we were going buying a house and have a deposit put down. I dont know weather to forgive him or not?
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female
reader, Cupcake  +, writes (25 September 2007):
 Oh its not a problem at all. I feel the same way.. There are times lately when im really happy with him and were having a good time with nothing on my mind.. then all of a sudden out of no where what happened will pop into my head, and ill start wondering if he really did cheat on me, then i can barely look at him, and i feel sick as you do. I dont talk to him about it ever, because i know thats not good for our relationship, but it also doesnt feel good when im keeping this all inside, i talk to everyone about it BUT him. I usually feel great when I talk to people that know the story and us and tell me how it was impossible for him to cheat and how he wouldnt do that to me... but then a couple of hours later i forget all that and go back to hurting again. I hope i can begin to forget about this and move past it, because for now it is still constantly on my mind. But we just moved into the house we bought together, so im trying to keep my focus on how fun all of that is, rather then the possibility of him cheating. Its definatly not easy, but I will make it work somehow, with time...
A
female
reader, biddy +, writes (24 September 2007):
biddy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for thinking of me its not too bad now. At times i just look at him and the hurt is just too much i just find myself crying and asking why.... which is not really good im either going to have to try to forget about it or it will just tear me apart and our relationship. Its just so hard. I just hope it will get easier i just keep waiting for it to happen again. I need to get the trust back. How are you doing? I hope you are finding it better than me. Thank you for listening to me do i really do appriciate it.
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A
female
reader, Cupcake +, writes (24 September 2007):
Hey, just checking to see how your feeling now??
Iam still feeling much the same, its getting a bit better. Im guessing it takes a while to get over. As you are in the same position as me, we both heard our boyfriends cheated and they tell us no.. Its the unknown and "what ifs" that bother me. But I keep reminding myself, that hes not stupid enough to cheat on me then buy a house with me. I dont think any man is that stupid. I would like to know when i stop thinking about it... How are you doing with everything now??
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A
female
reader, Cupcake +, writes (7 September 2007):
Your welcome, and I totally understand where you are coming from... My boyfriend ex told me he would come see her before work in the morning, which i knew wasnt true as he works at 7 and leave at 6:55. However for a while it made me nervous when he would have to go into work early, even though I had seen his work schedules and it was right on there that he was to work at 6 rather then 7 it still made me nervous... whatever corrosponds with the situation is going to make you nervous for a while iam now starting to not worry so much. Its been so hard though, but ive just had to realize "ok, he screwed up, he clearly feels bad about what he did.. hes with me not her, hes bought a house with me and is building a life with me... NOT her"I really wish you the best and I completley understand what your going through but things do get better and you will become less suspicious and worried about things and eventually the memory of it will fade..Good Luck!!
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A
female
reader, biddy +, writes (4 September 2007):
biddy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you very much your advice really helped. I hope i am making the right decission i do love him and i know he loves me. I feel very nervous going into the house now but im sure i will get over that (i hope) Thank you again and also good luck to ye.
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A
female
reader, Cupcake +, writes (4 September 2007):
Iam In a very similar situation, My boyfriend and I have been together for over 1 year, recently his ex contacted me saying he was sleeping with her and talking to her... I found out he lied when he told me non of this was true and he was talking to her... however he has sworn to me that he did not once ever see her since we have been together. Now this is the hard part, someone tells you one thing and the person you love says another... Naturally you want to believe the person you love, your suposed to trust this person.. This all happened for me about a month ago, we are buying a house and have a deposit on it as well. I have decided that if I want to continue on being happy buying a house and be with the person I love most then I have to forget about what he did. Ill never no the truth, but im going to chose to believe what I want to in order to have my life back and be happy again. You need to try and not think about it, and thats going to be tough to do, i struggle with it alot, you just have to tell yourself everything will work out... and the worst thing you can do is keep talking about it with him... If you make the choice to let it go and move on with him in your life still then you have to drop it completley... I kept talking about it for quite a while and it almost caused us to break up because fighting about it wasnt making anyone any happier and it wont help the relationship. You have to remember that he clearly loves you alot if he is willing to make the commitment of buying a house with you. My thing to was 'would he really buy a house with me and want to build a life with me knowing he cheated on me and I could find that out and he would loose it all?' I dont think thats likley as that is not a small commitment.. Remeber too that guys get more confused then girls maybe he did do something he shouldnt have, and realized you are the person he wants and he is with you not anyone else. So trust him and try to just let it go! Good luck to you both!
Be happy!!
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