A
female
age
36-40,
*bratton85
writes:Me and my b/f have been together about 8 months and are engaged. i feel like he has drifted apart from me recently. what hurt us the most was when he took this job that i begged him not to. i told him it would hurt us (its a job at the lake where ppl go to get drunk all day and hook up with each other and he does "maintenence" or whatever) and he took the job anyway. it doesnt even pay much, so why would he jeapordize all that we have for some stupid worthless job? and before he worked there, he told me im not allowed to work ANYWHERE people go to have fun. including the MALL!!! and then he comes home with this job?? is he stupid?? ever since then its been difficult for me to believe he loves me. he would rather watch me suffer wondering where he is at 12am on a sunday night than quit this stupid job. i feel like he chose the job over me because i just havent felt the same about him ever since. what should i do? if he doesnt consider my feelings now then how can i expect him to consider my feelings after we're married?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2007): He did chose the job over you. You don't know him well enough to be engaged. Try being with a man 5 yrs. before getting married. men can change after 3 years, that is what happened with my ex. He's also a controlling fruit loop, saying you can't even work at a mall? He probably has a complex b/c he knows he goes & does things behind your back & thinks you may do the same if you're in the position to. You should leave him & find a man who respects you.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2007): Well, you probably can't (expect him to consider your feelings after you are married, that is).
You have only known him eight months. That is a very short time to be dating someone before getting engaged. In most relationships, it takes at least six or more months to even begin to scratch the surface and to see a person not only at their best, but with "warts and all." It sounds as if you are starting to see the - shall we say - less than savory aspects of this man.
If your sense of it is that he chose the job over you, then you're probably right (and it sounds a peculiar sort of job, if not somewhat sleazy) and you say you don't feel the same about him because of his attitude, and distancing himself, don't you think you'd better reconsider seriously whether or not you want to continue with the engagement?
If you decide not to continue, then I'd advise you to break with him completely. If he has belongings to pick up from your home, or things to return to you, then that should be the last time you see him after breaking the bad news. No futher get-togethers, phone calls, texts or emails!
Good luck!
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