A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been in a relationship for 2 years that became verbally and emotionally abusive after about 8 months. Last week I saw the first sign that it might get physical too - he got mad with me and grabbed me by the throat (very frightening but he didn't actually hurt me). I honestly don't know whether he's aware of what he's doing. I would like to get help for him as I love him so much it hurts, but reading up on the internet everyone justs says leave. Surely there's some way to help these people we love so much?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2008): Thanks for your advice - I guess deep down I know you're right and I should leave or at least move out but I've been in several relationships and I've never felt this strongly for anyone before and am scared I could be walking away from the love of my life. I just wish that there was some way to make him stop being abusive but everyone says to me 'once an abuser always an abuser'. Does anyone know of anyone who has been abusive but managed to turn themselves around? If so what help did they seek? Thanks.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2008): Well to be honest I'd say leave too. I've seen relationships like this before and no matter how much it hurts to leave itd be worth it to prevent all the pain youll go through later. I get the impression you wont do this so maybe move out for a while (if you live together) and say you'll only come back once he has got professional help (anger management maybe?. He certainly wont change if you stick around and put up with it. Thats why its gotten gradually worse, and its gonna carry on doing so until you be brave and make sure he knows you wont stand for it
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