A
female
age
22-25,
*illyyyy
writes:I am a 16 year old girl. I dated this guy for a year and a half, but we broke up in January when I found out he had been sexting other girls. Over the summer, he changed a lot, and he decided he wanted to get back together with me. I told him I'd give him another chance, but then he decided he didn't want a relationship. We've been hooking up ever since, and lately he's wanted to have sex. I'm still a virgin. We've done pretty much everything other than actual sex, and I feel really comfortable with him. I want to have sex with him, but I'm a little conflicted because I've always imagined that my first time would be with a boyfriend. What should I do?
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broke up, get back together, my ex, still a virgin Reply to this Question
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (5 December 2017):
 Do what you always wanted to do and hold out for a boyfriend who actually loves you and doesn't just want sex from you. I think loosing your virginity is a special thing. It is great you feel comfortable with your ex, but emotionally he doesn't want to be with you he just wants sex. I would hate for you to regret it and feel used.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2017): Let's be real here chick, you are 16, barely old enough to drive alone without a parent or licensed driver, not even old enough to see a rated r movie. And Honestly... He's a dirt bag... If I could go back to 16 I would have listened more, I would have cared more, I would have cared less about my image, I wouldn't care at all what my buddies thought. And I wouldn't have ever left a girl sitting there with the weight of the questions you asked on her shoulders... I was a typical teenage boy who carries a lot of guilt and shame for the way I just walked over women from my past. He sounds a lot like me when I was a teen and I'm ashamed to admit that but the best you could hope for here is that he maybe gets it by the time he's 25... And that's a strong maybe... He ain't worth your time. Remember this as a young woman, don't settle for less than being treated as if you were a precious gem, and you're out of whatever guys league. Because you are. I wake up every morning grateful for another night where I'm lucky enough to fall asleep next to my woman. Because she's out of my league. I could be the greatest man in the world and my woman would still deserve better. I don't sext, I don't cheat, I don't flirt, and I don't accept passes at me by other women. I don't joke with my buddies about cheating, I don't make crude comments about women we might see out and about, and I don't enable them nor do I condone behavior from them on any level of infidelity. Don't give it up to him, in fact don't give any of it past kissing up to him. Make that dude chase you till you catch him...
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A
male
reader, Been there Now over it +, writes (27 November 2017):
You really want your first time to be with someone you love, not some guy who your broke up with and now he merely tells you he wants to have sex with you. Probably every guy at school wants to have sex with you...Why would you want to have your first-time sex with a guy you've already broken up with? Save it for someone who cares for you deeply, and you care for him deeply!
I'm agreeing completely with the responses already given. Plus, you should know that he'll like tell his buddies about having sex with you, and they'll tell their friends. It'll go completely viral. And a lot of kids will lose respect for you having had sex just because an ex-boyfriend wanted it. They'll think you did it just out of hope for getting him back. Which they'll all think is really stupid. If you do have sex with him, be sure to use protection from pregnancy!
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (27 November 2017):
 Of course you kind of want sex - it's hormones. However, it's incredibly unwise for young people to hook up with others, as they are rarely mentally developed enough to handle the consequences.Yes, you may *feel* mature, but that doesn't mean you *are*. Not only that, but FwBS don't often work well for fully grown adults, let alone teens.This boy wants your body, not you. If he is your first time, you are likely to regret it.Just out of curiosity, how much do you know about safe sex? Pregnancy? STDs? How much is "we've done pretty much everything other than actual sex"? Oral sex *is* sex. Penetration is what you most likely mean. You need to know and use the appropriate terms before you're responsible enough to be sexually active.Do you use condoms for oral sex? If not, you should do. Do you use water-based lube? If not, you should do.Have you both been tested for STDs and shown each other the results? If not, you need to because you don't know who else he's slept with - don't just trust him.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (27 November 2017):
 He doesn't want a relationship with you but he wants sex. He might have grown a little over the summer but he still doesn't respect you much.
He is QUITE fine with USING you.
OP, Honey... you say you WANT your first time to be with someone you care for and who cares for you. This isn't the guy. The whole "I don't want a relationship" anymore - is his way of saying I can do what I want because we aren't dating, but I still want to have sex with you.
If he over summer GREW up and became a better person, DO YOU really think his behavior is OK?
Do you think if he REALLY cared about you and your feelings he would NOT date but have sex with you?
I think the BEST thing you can do is listen to your BRAIN, not your hormones.
Take a step back.
OK, you feel comfortable around him - SO WHAT? that is NO good reason to have sex.
You are "offering" yourself up to a guy who did SHITTY things WHILE dating you and now he is using YOUR feelings (the fact that you STILL like him A LOT) to gain intimacy from you without having to make any personal or emotional INVESTMENT with you.
80% of women regret their first time. You have sex with this guy and you will end up in that "club".
The thing is, you ALREADY care for him and having sex with him will ONLY deepen those feelings FOR YOU - not him. He might decide afterward to "try" other girls again. And not just sexting. Since he isn't committed to you or even dating you, why not?
If you think having SEX with him will make him WANT to be with you in a relationship you are mistaken and doing things backward.
OP, you two didn't work out in the first place because he didn't respect YOU and the relationship. Just because he isn't being the exact same douchecanoe as when he was your BF doesn't mean he all of a sudden REALLY respects you.
You want your first time to be with someone special - he isn't it.
You already KNOW all this. THAT is why you wrote your post.
Now to the hard part:
Let him go. Don't stay "friends" and stop the intimacy and diddling around with him.
Someone who doesn't respect your and don't think you are WORTHY of being in an exclusive relationship with IS NOT who you want to have your first time with.
Wish him well. SHOW him that HE might not respect you, but YOU respect yourself WAY more.
THERE is absolutely NO hurry in having sex. You are ONLY 16.
Be as smart as you sound. Have a standard how others treat you and how you treat others. If it FEELS like he is using you... then it's probably because HE IS.
There are SO many other guys out there. He isn't the only guy in the world and he ALREADY proved that he is immature and disrespectful.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (27 November 2017):
 Let your first time be with this guy and you will regret it because, afterwards, he will walk away and you will feel let down and used.
I would advise that you trust your gut instinct and wait until you are in an established loving and trusting relationship.
I would also advise you stop hooking up with your ex. It is stopping you moving on and finding someone who actually wants to have a relationship with you.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (27 November 2017):
 If you even have to ask this question then deep down you don't want to do it.
You know if you have sex you're just gonna be another notch on his bedpost and another thing to brag about to his friends.
Question for you though, if you're broken up and he's been messing you around in the past, then why are you giving up sexual activities to him with no commitment? You said you want your first time having sex to be special so why give up other stuff to someone who only wants casual from you? That sounds a little contradictory.
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