A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I want to know how to handle this.Over the past year, my mom has been asking me for money to help pay her bills. She is elderly and on social security.There is this one sister who drained her of her life savings so she has very limited income.I talk to my mom on the phone the other day and find out she is STILL giving the leech sister money! I am furious!Not 10 minutes before she fessed up about it, she asked me if I was going to help her pay her bills over the winter.I told her it was very unfair to ask me for money when she keeps giving the sister who ripped her off, money.I also have some deep resentments towards my mother for some of the mean things she did to me in the past; some of those things were done to me by her and the leech sister.How should I handle this?
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks everyone. I think I may just stop giving her money and let her and the leech sister whine together. If she simply stopped giving the leech sister all of her money, she would have enough to pay her bills so me paying Mom's bills is really just freeing up her cash to give to the leech sister. She swore to me she wasn't giving her money but I find out she has been lying about that.
The things my mom has done were pretty bad like saying cruel lies to my 10 year old about me which the 10 year old believed for years and it nearly ruined our relationship, refused to go to my college graduation but could get on a plane and fly to visit leech sister, refused to help me and my kids when I left my abusive husband. We lived in a shelter and I remember begging the neighbors for soup so we wouldn't go hungry.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2008): Unfortunantly every family has the leech that causes nothing but anguish for everyone involved.
If you feel that you must help your mum pay her bills then actually pay the bills rather than giving her money to pay them that way you know where your cash is going.
I would be inclined though to stop assisting her for a while. If your mum has to pay her own way she wont be able to give your sponging sister money and you get to keep your money. Its win win. A bit of tough love for your mum may be just whats needed.
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A
female
reader, TELLULAH  +, writes (11 August 2008):
 Its really rather simple... Pay a bills if you can but dont give her any money, then she cant give it to your sister. Dont take it out on your Mum because of the sister, even if she was a bit awfull when you grew up. Tell the sister her free ride is over and its about time she stood on her own 2 feet. I wouldnt worry to much about hurting her feelings because it doesnt sound like she has had any compasion for yours.
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (11 August 2008):
 I can understand how angry you must be feeling, especially when money you have given to your mother is not benefitting her. I suggest you ask your mother to give you the account details and you will pay them yourself, that cuts out the handing over of cash to her...... as for your resentment, which has obviously now started coming out because of the money being handed over, would it not help to speak to a counsellor? It is in the past and you need to move forward. Your mother will not be here forever, and once she is gone, there is no way to make amends for things said and done.
Honeygirl
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A
female
reader, BigSis +, writes (11 August 2008):
 Oh Wow! I can understand how your feeling, I'm really sorry you're in this complicated situation. On the one hand, she's your mother, you love her, and you want to help her out and do what you can for her, then on the other hand, there's your sister. Grrrr!!
In you, you feel you cannot refuse to help her, it's not in your nature to be so cruel and insensitive, even though the pair of them were mean to you in the past. Am I right?
The past is something you're going to have to try and forget ~ and move on from there. Easy for me to say, I know.... but I don't know how mean they were to you, but please don't hold that against your mum. She may not be with you that much longer, and no matter what she did all them years ago, you'll miss her dreadfully when she's gone.
That's something many people don't understand until they've lost a parent. We all think our parents are going to be with us for ever, we can't imagine life without them.
Now, with regard to the money issues...can you not call her bluff and tell your mum that you flatly refuse to help her out anymore because of your sponging sister?
Better still, tell your mum to give you the bills that she's supposed to be paying, and you go and pay them personally, that way your 'loving' sister can't touch the money.
It's just a suggestion, and that's what I think I'd do if it were me. I would advise you opt for the latter of my suggestions, then you can be sure 'dear sis' can't get her grubby little mitts on it.
I really hope you sort this out. Best of luck.
BigSis
xXx
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