A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Anyone out there ever been emotionally cheated on? Is it possible to move on. I work with my husband and the girl and have to see them on a regular basis. I found out he had been secretly flirting with her, and they even had a secret handshake. He says he didn't want me to know they were friends because she is pretty. He has never hidden things like this before. Is there anyway to move on and get over this?
View related questions:
flirt, I work with, move on Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, cd206  +, writes (22 March 2008):
 Yes. Ask yourself if you can honestly say there is no other guy in your life that you occassionally innocently flirt with, because to me, it doesn't sound like your guy has done anything wrong here. Flirting is different to out and out cheating and not telling you about a friend of his is an ommission rather than an outright lie. It sounds like you can trust your guy to just be friends with this girl and not many girls are lucky enough to be able to trust their guys that much.
A
female
reader, kittikat +, writes (22 March 2008):
 I think it could sounds pretty innocent and it sounds like you two are pretty young. With maturity, he'll realize that by NOT telling you something like that it makes him look more suspicious. And with maturity, you'll gain confidence in your relationship and yourself and better know where you stand. Have you two set boundaries and talked about what is OK and what's not? It's important that you tell him how you feel and that it hurt you and see what he does in the future. If he acknowledges the poor handling of the situation and is careful to be honest with you and keep the flirting to a minimum, you'll be in good shape. It's just really important to keep up good communication skills. I know it's painful and can drive you crazy with questioning things, but right now there isn't too much to go on. You'll make yourself nuts if you dwell on it. Try to focus on the good things. If he continues to act shady, then you may have to re-evaulate. Good luck!
...............................
A
male
reader, oldbiker +, writes (22 March 2008):
 Hi Anon,
While it may not help, flirting appears to be part of office life and if it stops at that, it should be OK. If he's taking her out for meals, coffees, then it is more than just flirting.
I believe that you have to let him know how much this upsets you and that it has to stop. He will say that you're making mountains of molehills but you have to make him realise the importance of your relationship together and how his actions are hurting. It may well be that he did not realise this (to give him the benefit of the doubt).
The only problem is if the friendship then goes 'underground' and out of your sight.
...............................
A
female
reader, Bean317 +, writes (22 March 2008):
He didn't actually cheat on you. Are you the jealous type? To me it just sounds like he didn't know how you would feel about him having a female friend. Talk to him about it and find out if its purely a friendship or if he's interested.
...............................
|
