A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I was diagnosed with Bipolar several months ago, and when I broke the news to my husband he was less than accepting. I told him that I didn't tell him sooner because I was worried he would think I'm crazy, but he said "You're right, I do think you're crazy."He said that bipolar is not a real disease and that I can get over it. I told him I need help but he ignored it and moved on to another subject.I'm falling apart from the inside out. I need help. I want to see a counselor, but my husband controls all the finances, so I have no money to go see a counselor. I need support, which my husband seems unwilling to give. It hurts so bad to be brushed off by the one person who is supposed to be there for me. What should I do?
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female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (24 May 2014):
Dear OP,
I agree with the other agony aunts, you need help. And if your husband doesn't support you, get support elsewhere. It can't be that a grown up woman like you can't go see a professional or join a self-help group, because she is controlled by her husband. You're not a slave, you're a free person. I guess a self-help group won't be everything you need, I guess you need medication, like lithium, as well. For that, you need to see a psychiatrist and you need him to supervise your medication every 3 months. This will cost some money, but it will be worth it. A good friend of mine has bipolar and she is living a happy life now, after she found a good psychiatrist and had counseling.
There are some online resources where you can find help, I just googled your condition and found this site for instance, it's for people with bipolar disease in USA:
http://www.dbsalliance.org
You need to decide that you are an important person and that you deserve help and support, no matter what your husband says. Chigirl is right, maybe he will only see how wrong he is if others support you as well. If your husband controls everything and doesn't love you enough to pay for your healthcare, you might, later on, ask yourself if this marriage is good for you or if it's more of a trap. An unsupportive environment will increase stress and also your symptoms.
By the way: You can't "get over" a bipolar disease. But you can learn to live with it and to enjoy your life again.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2014): Mental illnesses can manifest in response to conditions and situations that we are not coping with. Often they are conditions caused by the way that people are treating us and which we feel we have no power over.If your husband - who is supposed to love and support and cherish you - is not even accepting that your diagnosis and won't even talk with you maturely and sensibly about it, then I am sorry to say that he is very likely to be the person actually causing your symptoms.He sounds very, very controlling. When someone controls all the money and when someone refuses to believe that you are ill, in whatever way, it simply means that they do not see you as a full human being with needs and rights and desires that every normal human has. If they continue to deny you normal things then you start to feel de-humanized - some people get depression, some people develop stress and become constantly ill due to the stress and other people develop mental illnesses. Please go to see a doctor - try to find a nice female doctor and remember that not all doctors are the same, some are friendly and sensitive and some are like robots, so you may have to try several, or ask at the reception which female doctors are easy to talk to and they should be able to tell you. Then go to the doctor and explain that your husband refuses to believe you have a mental health problem. Possibly the best thing would be for you to get some counselling to discuss how you feel about things with your husband - I get the feeling that for a long time you have been too accepting of the way he treats you and have probably denied/negated/stuffed down a lot of your feelings about his way with you. Honestly I think that the best possible thing would be to leave him - he sounds so horrible and uncaring - but the reason I am not suggesting this to you straight away is that I'm not sure you have anywhere else to go or anyone else to support you. You must tell the doctor that you need more support or the situation will only get worse. He is not the kind of husband who will help you to overcome this, he will make you feel worse and worse about it until you lose all confidence. If you can, leave him and go somewhere safe and supportive. If you can't then get some help in the meantime.
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A
female
reader, Atsweet1 +, writes (24 May 2014):
 Right he dont want you to get your money. He probaly bi polar also. I had a fellow stopping resources slowing up resources so he could have me trap and looking stupid then he be sitting back laughing with his friends having a great time and Im lacking looking crazy for fooling with them. Go get help call around go to churches its resources out there. You have to fight be tough or strong. I know I did I had to sleep in a storage bus out in the street a mess cause of a guy. I want allow no man or women to have me in a bad situation like this again then be all in your face like I did something wrong. Please life to short. I would go get help. Im go get a lawyer to help my case cause when it comes to men they give them there checks help and resources without a blink of but I have to jump through hops a barrels being a dark skin black women with a dark skin black first lady. Im not tripping and I know God teaches lessons so I see alot of things and true about stuff.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (24 May 2014):
 Wow, I'm sorry, but your husband sounds like a real ASSHOLE. Mental health/illness is very real and bipolar disorder is NOT just something a person can "get over." Not without extensive therapy and medication. And even then, you haven't "gotten over it," you've simply just gotten help and treatment for a life long illness.
Bipolar disorder is a serious mood disorder which requires proper medication for an individual to function fully and adequately in society. But that does NOT make you crazy. Not in the least bit. Don't listen to him. He has no clue what he's talking about.
What baffles me is has your husband not seen proof of your disorder in your actions? Most with bipolar disorder display many troubling symptoms long before they have ever been diagnosed. And most who have close, interpersonal relationships with someone with a mental illness can tell that something is wrong. So has he not seen your ups and downs? Has he not noticed your mood swings and emotional changes? My gf has PTSD as well as major depressive disorder and it's clear in many of her behaviors. I can't imagine not noticing that something was wrong.
Many people will acknowledge cancer or any other type of physical, bodily illness as a sickness, but will completely bypass mental illness as a real condition. Why, I don't know. I have a degree in psychology and I realize the effects of mental illness on individuals and loved ones and I recognize that it's just as much of an illness as any other illness is. Just because it's a brain illness doesn't make it any less real.
If I were you, I would see a therapist anyway, despite what your husband says. Do you have health insurance? If so, do you have access to the insurance card? If not, you can contact your health insurance provider and find out if they offer mental health coverage in your plan. If they do, get the group number and policy number from them and just write it down. Then call around and make a list of all of the mental health professionals that take your insurance. Pick one that sounds as though they best suit you. Then call them and schedule an appointment.
If you don't have health insurance, many therapists will work with you based on your income. If you have a very low income, they will charge you much less per session. It couldn't hurt discussing this issue you're dealing with in regards to your husband over the phone with a therapist when you are first calling and receiving information. Let them know your situation and see what they're willing to do.
As for your husband - to he honest, he really needs to get on board with you - and quick. For me, this would be a deal breaker in a relationship if my partner was saying such hurtful and ignorant remarks. You need support right now and your husband is who is supposed to be the one to provide it. You need him very much and if he can't be there and continues to put you down, I would seriously consider ending the relationship. Easier said than done, considering you're married. But this is a big deal.
I wish you the best and I hope he gets it together for your sake. Take care.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2014): Sorry about your diagnosis. I would confide in your family and friends also. Try to go to a free support group for people with bipolar for now. Hospitals have lots of support groups. I assume you are going to need to be on medication, so at some point in time your husband will have to accept this.
You need to gain financial independence from your husband, he shouldn't be in complete control of the finances either, you have a partnership. If he doesn't come around and start supporting you, you are going to need to do it yourself.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (24 May 2014):
 You need to tell your friends and family about your condition too. Telling every one makes life easier for you, and them. If it is accepted by them, I believe your husband will accept it too. Humans tend to follow with the general opinion. So if everyone else supports you, I think he will too. Nect, talk to your doctor. Your doctor might know what to do. Or a free self help line, there might be some in your country.
Your husband needs to get educated on mental health. He is unfortunately only one out of many who has been taught wrong. I dont yhink hes dismissing you, but hes not educated on mental health. And as it is something you cant see, he has trouble believing it. You need to be the teacher here, and it will require patience. Maybe print out more information on it, add in examples from your daily life. Talk to him about yhis properly. I believe he will come around, eventually.
In the meantime, tell friends and family and find support there.
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