A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been dating this girl for about 5 months. She's amazing. Our relationship is very casual. We go out to eat every Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday...we hold hands, text nonstop, hug....but we haven't really kissed. In the relationship, she decides where to go and what to do most of the time because I'm just naturally indecisive. (I don't care what I do as long as we spend time together) Yesterday, out of the blue, she text me a text that says "I love you"...I don't know if it was her sister stealing her phone and pranking me, but I don't think so.....My last relationship was painful, we exchanged "I-love-yous" until they were devalued, but I let myself believe I was in love...she ended up cheating on me and breaking my heart. I only mention this because I don't know if the problem is me going too slow, me afraid of opening up again, me blowing this out of porportion and its time for us to move to the next level, her going too fast...or what...But I just need some help/advice/consolance.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2008): I have the solution for you!!
Dude don't listen to these women, lol their comments are not going to help you. You need a man's point of you here.
Let me ask you something...when you go out, are you always the one paying? Do you always pay for everything? If that is so, than you have a big problem, she is using you!
Hey I had my fair share of mistakes too in the past, so I know what im talking about.
The fact that she is making all the decisions on where to go and what to do, is not a good sign, and it looks like u left it open for her to decide when you two should get physical. STOP THAT, thats your job!!! You are the man, YOU should make the decisions and make the choice on when to kiss her. And btw, you should try to start kissing the girl at least in the first week you get to know her. My method is kissing her after my first date, the sooner the the better. You should have sex with her as early as you can too, but only if you want to make love to her and maybe have a relationship with her. but remeber to always wear protection!! :)
Here is the bad news...You waited way too long to have sex with this girl,5 months is way too long. You didn't even kiss her, WTF man??? And she is still with you after all that non-physical relationship? Dude I can tell you right now that there is a good chance that she doesn't really like you and is probably using you. Also, there is another good chance that she is probably seeing someone else too. Trust me man, women are fucked up and some of them will walk all over u if u let them. You have to take a ballsy hard line attitude with them, thats the only one they really respect, unfortunitaly.
I feel terrible telling you this, but I think you might have these problems, and I just want to warn you and make you question this relationship you have and truly see if it is serving ur interests. You sound like a good guy, don't let women use you, if you do. They will never respect you and you will always hate them.
You might want to start meeting new girls because it looks like you might end up breaking up with this one. sorry for the bad news but I just think I might be right on this. And I feel like you could use some real world opinions from guys with experience.
Good luck
A
female
reader, Susan Strict  +, writes (22 May 2008):
 If the idea of love is too soon for you in this relationship, then keep it simple.
Send her a reply, if you haven't already. A single x is enough. You don't have to respond with the words. Not yet. Maybe later, if and when you are ready.
Don't be afraid of "opening up", but avoid doing it until you do feel confident to do it. There's nothing worse than saying loads of things you don't really mean or you are not yet sure you mean simply because you think they are the right thing to say.
Avoid, rather than act. Act, rather than say. "You're wonderful" or a kiss (text or otherwise) or a big hug is, for most people, a perfectly acceptable response to "I love you" if you really aren't sure yet. It doesn't need to be a problem unless she tries to force a full response out of you - and she probably won't. If she does try to, then you do have to explain that "I love you" is a phrase that has bad vibes for you because of a previous girlfriend.
Anyway, if you are as indecisive as you say you are, she probably won't be suprised in the slightest if you don't immediately declare your undying love for her!
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A
female
reader, strawberryflower  +, writes (22 May 2008):
I think you are going about it the right way taking things slowly with your new girlfriend, but as hard as it is dwelling on the past isn't going to help you two in the future. Talk to her about the text if you can and explain how you feel. I'm sure she'll understand that you are being weary this time around.
Do you find there is anything wrong with you not kissing yet? Have you been holding back from it? But if you think she is right for you, only time will tell. Allow yourself to become closer to her whenever she tries and try yourself to. If you aren't comfortable in a relationship maybe you'd be better off as friends until a later time?
Best of luck xo
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