A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear CupidI am been dating my friend for past 1 year, but he doesn't want any of our mutual friends to know. He hasn't introduced me to his friends or his family. Recently he asked me not to send any text messages, i usually don't send much messages, but once in a while i do send some romantic messages.He told me that he doesn't want anyone to know about us until the time is right. But it's been a year and when will the time be right and will it ever beIt's like the whole relationship is kind of sneaky and i am not comfortable with this sneaky thing and it makes me feel very insecure. Please help me, what should i do
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female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (18 July 2012):
 I'm with the others. There are only two reasons he would have for concealing your relationship.
1. He's seeing someone else
2. He's not seeing anyone else but wants to keep his options open
Like SVC, the fact that he doesn't want yuo even texting him suggests option #1.
My philosophy about heart to heart talks is have them when there is reason to believe they will actually do some good. If you have to give a lesson on 'Appropriate Conduct 101' then you're wasting your time. The sort of person who would be receptive to such a talk doesn't need one in the first place.
No fuss no muss. No talking. Just end it then block and delete him. Don't give him an opportunity to convince you to stay.
A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy  +, writes (17 July 2012):
 This doesn't really sound like dating. It sounds like him having his cake (sex) and eating it too (behaving like a single man).
Maybe you should take a step back and tell him that you want to have a break. Don't see him, don't have sex with him. Don't be available to him. See what he does. You should tell him why, ie that you don't want to continue with this until he makes you a proper couple by introducing you to his friends and family.
You have to look after yourself and be with someone who loves you, or else be on your own. Don't you think you deserve more?
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (17 July 2012):
 I concur with Jinxx and Honeypie.
but I'm voting that he's seeing someone else and that's why he does not want you texting him...
I would force his hand to be honest. It will at least make ending it concrete...
tell him he has till xx/xx/xx (the date) to introduce you to family and friends... if he does not, then you need to be gone...
after a year... many folks are starting to plan a lifetime together...
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (17 July 2012):
 I have to agree with jinxx - either he is seeing someone or he is ashamed.
Honestly I would call him on it. After a whole year of dating he should want to scream it from the roof tops.
I don't think "time" will ever be right for this guy.
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A
female
reader, jinxx +, writes (17 July 2012):
 I hate to start off negatively, but I have a feeling he's either ashamed of you for some reason, or he's with someone else and you're the other woman.
Him saying he wants to wait to tell people until the time is right just sounds like an excuse. It's keeping you there, and keeping you quiet.
You're unhappy, and you're uncomfortable. This is a no-win situation for you. My advice is to leave this relationship, and soon. This guy is clearly not that interested in you, or your feelings, and doesn't feel seriously enough about you to introduce you to his friends or family. You deserve better than that, and you should want better than that for yourself.
Good luck!
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