A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:hey,I need your opinions and advice,about a month ago i slept with My husbands friend.The problems that led to this are so many to go into so heres the short version: basically after 12yrs of being married to My Husband I felt I was worth so much more than to be ignored and taken for granted,we had nothing in common and rarely spent any time together.this wasnt so bad to begin with after our wedding as i fell pregnant soon after and my life was full looking after our Daughter.A few yrs later I fell for our second daughter and so again all my time was spent with our children while my husband worked.however now the Girls are growing up and the void between us is becoming more apparant.This is noticable to everyone,including His friend so one day the friend asked if i would go to a movie with him.I said yes as i really wanted to see the movie.we went for a drink after and got talking about everything.on the way home he kissed me goodbye.It felt wonderful.Just to be noticed.he said he had always liked me just never had the nerve to tell me.after that night the calls began and we met a few times more,then one night he came round and we ended up having sex.Although it was lovely i couldnt stop thinking it used to be like this with my husband and was sad that it wasnt anymore.Now this friend keeps calling me and wants to meet up again.I'm trying to avoid this as I want to make an effort with my husband.My husband knows I've been upset lately and has begun to be quite affectionate again but we still have a long way to go before things are as they used to be.My question is should I tell my husband about my "fling" with his friend?They still see each other and if i did i know it would shatter my husband.I have been a terrible wife and i dont want to lose him and i dont want him to lose his friend but how can i carry on knowing I'm keeping such a secret?I know his friend will never say anything for my sake as he still wants to carry on seeing me but how can i say no when he is being so persistant? i'm confused and dont know how to carry on. please i know i must be judged but i need your advice and help.Thx
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2006): I completely understand the reasons why you had an affair, I'm almost in the same situation you are in now. I feel if you really want your relationship to work with your husband and you don't want to be with this friend, I would tell your husband about the affair. You can't have a true relationship without honesty you will always in the back of your mind wonder if today is the day he's going to find out?
If you don't tell him you are going to move on in your relationship with your husband things are going to get better maybe at there best and that's the time he will find out. It may or may not break the two of you up but it's the chance you have to take to have an honest love.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2006): If my wife had slept with my mate I would CERTAINLY want to know. The longer you leave it, the worse he will take it.
And until you do... you will be living with guilt and fear. Fear that he might find out any way. Things are much more likely to work out if you are honest with him. You will be in for a hell of a time, but good can come from this, if you both decide you want to work through it.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2006): i don't EVER condone lying or keeping secrets from your partner. don't get me wrong. but in some instances, i do believe it may be for the best. in your case, i feel this way. i think it may be the best for you both, and for your children, not to say anything. but it really just depends on the circumstance. if you cheated and realized how huge of a mistake it was, and you realized how much you love your partner, and that it will NEVER happen again, then maybe it's the best for the both of you and your kids not to say something. because you learned from your mistake and will never do it again. and if you told him, you'd more than likely lose him, crush him, and split up your family. but if you're considering being with this other guy again, or have feelings for him, or can't promise it won't happen again, you need to tell your husband. because that wouldn't be fair. good luck.
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A
male
reader, Lostandalone  +, writes (3 August 2006):
 I think you should tell him. At least to clear your own mind. If you want to start fresh and live a good life the healing has to start now. Put everything on the table. For God's sake stop calling this guy your husband's friend because he is definitely not that. He will be shattered yes but think of it like this what if the shoe was on the other foot. Tell him and let him grieve and then you tw0 can discuss what it is that you want to do for the future of your marriage and the well-being of your children. Good Luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2006): you should confess because in the end it will come out anyway and it will be more painful for your huspand
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