A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I had been with my girlfriend for 15 years. She had gone to college for 6 years in order to, "get the job of her dreams."During the last 3 years of our relationship she became addicted to world of Warcraft and there was no sign of her seriously getting a job so I ended the relationship.During the next year we still got together from time to time and I tried to help her out with her car repairs when I could.One day she told me she was going to Nevada to stay with some of her W.O.W. friends to check out a job opportunity for 2 weeks.I became upset that now that she was ready to get a job she would travel out of state to the people she spent so much time with that she couldn't get 1 with me. I begged her to cancel her trip and we could start over now that she had a change of heart.She told me she couldn't because they had payed for her ticket and she would feel guilty. She told me she wasn't sure of what she wanted but she was just going to check out the area and not to worry everyone there was married and I was her best friend and she loved me and we could start dating again when she got back. She told me she didn't want me out of her life. when she returned my worst fears were confirmed.She had gone to get together with "Tim", one of her online friends she plays W.O.W. with who was going through a divorce.She told me there was no chemistry and I shouldn't be upset because she was single and we were't going out. After some fighting I told her I wouldn't bother trying to rebuild our relationship if she were to continue having any contact with Tim.She reluctantly agreed but was worried that I would soon demand the same of Ken, another online friend that I didn't know too much about. I said whatever not thinking much of it. After a few months I began checking her emails and found out what she was talking about. She swears it's a brother sister like relationship. I'm having a hard time trusting her after reading that Ken who is married feels that they are soul mates and how much they miss each other when they're not chatting and she needs to get a cell phone so she'll never be out of touch with him etc. etc. Needless to say I've become the jealous, snooping boyfriend that can't believe that her relationship with Ken is becoming more than what she claims since she only contacts him when I'm not around. I do love her and she has been reluctant to breakup. My question is:Do you have any advice on how we might work through this ? OCr are the odds stacked against us?
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best friend, divorce, jealous, soul mates, soulmate, world of warcraft Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2011): Wow, literally! Here are the questions I think you would need to answer before jumping to the conclusion that you dump someone you loved for 15 years. That is longer than most marriages last. Which begs the question; "dating"? I assume that there were good reasons to spend 15 years in a quasi commitment. More on that later.
What did she say when Ken said they were soul mates? Did she say inappropriate things too? In other words, would you say, knowing her like you do, that she is in love with or even inappropriately crushing on him? Danger signs would be lying about talking to him, spending more and more time with him. Like going from once a week to twice then maybe daily.
Do you spend any good times together? How often does she pay wow? Is it too much for you? Do you want to do things with her and she is too busy playing games she doesn't care?
But the first thing that caught my eye, maybe cause i'm female is that you had been dating for 15 years. That is a long time to date without marriage. Was that an issue?
If she wanted to get married and you didn't that could play into this. Maybe she doesn't want to lose friends when you won't commit anyway.
A
female
reader, Candid Cally +, writes (11 November 2011):
You have to decide whether you are reluctant to end the relationship because you both still love each other, or if you two are only still together because of the familiarity of the relationship and each other due to the length of time you've been together.If her continuing to play WoW, and have inappropriate chats with men who also play WoW is undermining you, you need to have a serious talk with her. If you cannot trust her, you have lost the basic foundation of a relationship and you need to take steps to move on. Additionally, if her not looking for a job is a deal-breaker, you need to discuss this with her. Create a timeline. If she hasn't gotten a job or stopped with the online emotional affairs, you need to break up with her and move on.Fifteen years is a long time to invest in a relationship. Don't invest anymore of your lifetime in this relationship if she cannot provide you with the basic and mutual exclusivity, respect, trust, and affection that you need.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (10 November 2011):
 The odds are "stacked" against YOU... because you're behaving like a desperate guy..... THAT leaves you vulnerable to all sort of advantage being taken of you... Are you prepared for that? Will you recognize it when it happens?
Note: Statistics "tell" us that 53% of the people in the world are women. Can't you look around and find another - not this one - who actually LIKES you? ... and would like to spend some quality time with you????
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, moon river  +, writes (10 November 2011):
 if you do not trust her then that is part of you as a couple now, it will be hard to trust her again.
you moved apart and often when that happens you grow apart and into different people
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (10 November 2011):
 You do not trust her it is as simple as that. Am not sure if she has done anything wrong or not. As for the first guy Tim well she was dishonest to you about why she was leaving the country. Sure she was single but she was still dishonest to you and I guess that it is this that is playing in the back of your mind. As for this new guy Ken well have you asked her about this? Snooping through her private things is wrong even though you have found some things that are of concern. Talk to her tell her what you have found and be honest with her. Tell her you do not trust her and see if they both of you can come to some sort of arrangement to try and get that trust back again.
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