A
male
age
51-59,
*heWolf
writes:I have met someone and asked her to marry me .... things couldnt be better until we had our first fight ... then 2nd then 3rd , all within 5 days ... now im really rethinking this thing . When we argue it is a nitemare ,,, i try every way i can think of to stop it ... keep it from escalating ... but nothing works . Now i find myself holding back and seriously rethinkin marrying her . I have lost all my freedom , took on 2 young kids that look to me as a father already . A mother in law that likes me but is hard to deal with ,, i have moved out of my house and am about to sell it , moved in with her , her kids and her mom. Not a good situation . My home is to far away to have a relationship . Everyone in our church has put alot of pressure on us well me to marry ,, if i dont go thru with this now , well im gonna be taged as a horrible person , . I thought of none of this 2 weeks ago , until we fought for the first time , then 3 within 5 days . The 3rd was enuff and i was leaving and i feel maybe i should have . Now i find myself just waiting for the next chance to leave ...... help what do i do ?????
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female
reader, Red591  +, writes (20 September 2010):
 she seems to have changed with the ring on her finger and living with her mother sound awful. Tell that the arguments are giving u second thoughts and suggest counseling. If it starts another fight then bail out. Her kids are not your responsibility however kids are always the victims. I grew up seeing my mom date around and I'm ok. If its not worth saving to you then get out now.
A
female
reader, followtheblackrabbit  +, writes (20 September 2010):
 First off, don't give to pressure by others at your church etc. You're not living your life for them. These arguments shook you up enough to make you question your decision so I have to ask : How long have you two known each other? How soon after that did you get serious? Moved in together? What did you argue about? Sometimes when something goes wrong before a big step, we get cold feet and start believe we're wrong. At other times, our intuitions could be right! So if this keeps nagging you, prolong the engagement. Go speak to a trusted older male (your dad or uncle) or a spiritual leader who does NOT personally know you. Arguments happen, it's normal. But, WHAT you argue about says a lot about how the marriage will fare and how your two personalities interact.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2010): How about a long engagement? You definitely have to be ready for marry and have a solid foundation. You will be taking on a lot. You are leaving your home, moving in with her and her mom and 2 children. The four of them have to adjust to you, but you have to adjust to four of them on top of moving into their home. It seems like you should take a step back and re-evaluate this. You are getting the warning signs now. Definitely do not allow the people in your church or anyone to pressure you into this and even if they do think of you as the bad guy (which I don't agree with), you have to be honest with yourself. Otherwise you'll regret it later and more hurt will come from ending a failing marriage.
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