A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My mom was married when she was 20, and was with the man for 12 years until he cheated on her. I've never heard much about him until almost a year ago now. and I'm almost 19.she had started talking to him in October of last year, and went to visit him across the country at the beginning of the summer. she came back and was really happy.... and had a cheap little ring on her wedding finger. since then she hasn't been able to put down her phone. she texts him 24/7, even when i'm with her. it's gotten to the point where i'll say something and she won't answer/acknowledge me because she's texting him.he came to visit a couple of months ago. he was originally going to stay for one week, then decided to stay for two. and then decided to stay for three.i was really upset about it - a strange man ive never met living in a house with me for 3 weeks. my mom knew it too. i had cried to her and talked to her about it, but she just completely shut me down and got mad at me.now he's moving in. i don't think it's right, i think my mom's making a huge mistake but she won't listen to me. i also feel like she doesn't care about my feelings since she knows how upset i was over him staying for an extra week.i don't live at home as i'm in school in a different city, but now i don't ever even want to go home. i'm thinking of staying here for christmas if he's spending it with my family.there's also talk now of how she wants to "renew her wedding vows" with him sometime in the distant future - even though at the beginning of all this she said they weren't going to move in with each other for a long time.is this selfish of me? or is my mom jumping into a relationship and being selfish herself?
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female
reader, followtheblackrabbit  +, writes (20 September 2010):
 In this case, I think your mother is being selfish. She's been swept off her feet by this man and isn't exercising any caution. She's not taking your feelings into consideration and probably is excusing this in her mind by telling herself that you're no longer a child and she deserves happiness. Theres not much you can do, she refuses to listen, the promise of love is blinding her. All you can do is show her you're going to be mature about this. Be cordial to the man and get to know him a little so she can never say you never tried. This man cheated on her, hurt her and she's leaping into something quite serious without truly knowing him. Maybe he changed throughout the years but she can't be sure. However, she's a grown woman and responsible for herself and her mistakes. I know how it hurts. But all you can do is try and be there for you though she ignores you and doesn't take your feelings into consideration. Maybe things will work out for her, support her then. Maybe they won't, and then, be her rock.
A
female
reader, fi_the_tree  +, writes (20 September 2010):
 I don't think you are being selfish at all, i have had a similar problem to yours, but i talked to my mum about it and she listened.
You have to keep talking to her about how you feel. Ask her to at least show you some respect by turning her phone off so you can have her full attention. I'm sure your mum just wants to be happy, but she should definately consider your feelings in this aswell.
How do you feel about the guy she's with? Have you met him properly yet? Maybe ask your mum more about him.
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