A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I already feel bad enough already, without enduring being called nasty names.I slept with a married man who is 18 years older than me. We met on the internet and went out, had drinks and slept together the first time we met. Before we actually slept together we were cuddling and touching each other and he stopped and said he couldn't do this and said his guilt was overwhelming. I said I understood and that what we were doing was wrong and went to leave but he asked me to stay and we talked and ended up sleeping together anyway. He says he had a good time and there wasn't any awkwardness, I don't expect it to go any further and I don't want it to, because my lack of morals and boundaries is worrying me.Do I need counselling? I've always had low self esteem and I know I directed it in the wrong way on this occasion. Now i'm worried that karma is coming after me. Should I tell someone and get this off my chest?Thanks for not judging me
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married man, self esteem, the internet Reply to this Question
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (11 March 2013):
 I think you are very aware of yourself and the need for counseling.
I think it's an excellent idea. I think most folks can benefit from counseling.
I also think those that won't go or even consider going and think they are fine are the crazy ones.
You made a bad choice. You know it's a bad choice. You even have an idea why it was done. Now you can find a therapist and figure out how not to do it again.
good luck!
A
female
reader, Abby_C  +, writes (10 March 2013):
If talking to someone will help, then by all means do so. Maybe it will give you a fresh perspective and some closure?It sounds to me that you are a good person who got herself caught in a bad situation. To me, this guy sounds like a real manipulator--manipulative men like this often target younger women who have low self esteem.If I had to guess, I'd say he met you with the intention of having a one-night stand. He may or may not be married and he has probably done this sort of thing before. In fact, I can see some very advanced seduction techniques here--first he insists on meeting you and gets a little intimate, then he cries a few crocodile tears to make it appear as though he felt some guilt over what he was doing and then he asked you to stay anyway. And now you feel like the whole thing is your fault? You got seduced by a jerk. It's okay to feel hurt and confused--people often do when their emotions have been played with.What you need to do now is work on your self-esteem. You are a beautiful person who deserves to be in a happy relationship. When you are around any man behave with self-respect and don't put up with any bullshit.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2013): You haven't done anything wrong. He's the married one, he's got the main fault here.
For you. You only live once. Do everything. The good, the bad and everything in the middle.
If you have low self esteem you should maybe get counselling about that not because you think you have low morals and so on. You don't have a lack of morals or boundaries just because you slept with a married man, you didn't kill anyone.
Do you feel guilty? If yes, don't. Really don't. It's an experience you get to add to your life. Much better than having none at all because of rules that mean nothing.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2013): Honeypie, I've never even looked twice at a married man before and always thought women who did were cheap and nasty, that's why I am so shocked at myself. I can only put it down to a bad break up I had a few weeks ago. I guess I was feeling lonely and unloved.
I'm going to take your advice and try and think of the consequences and take time to find myself again
Thanks
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (8 March 2013):
 Do you need counseling? No, you made a choice and you know it was kind of a "wrong" choice.
You don't plan on seeing him again so it's not like this meant anything to you. Sometimes we make choices even though we KNOW it's not the right thing to do.
Instead of counseling maybe you need to take some time and think over WHY you did it? Why you thought this is OK?
And Karma might "come get you" - a little to late to worry about that, don't you think?
My advice, learn to live without regrets. That means BEFORE you do things (like meet up with a married man, you think on it, you weight it against your morals, your ideas and what you DO know is right and wrong) and the you make your choice. If you DO met up, well then LIVE with it. If you decide that that is NOT a good idea, then don't do it. But doing it and THEN regretting it, is a waste of time.
Can you explain WHY you did it? And not just low self esteem because then you could have slept with a single stranger as easily as a married one. If you truly DO think it's about self esteem, I would suggest you WORK on that instead of doing things you really DO NOT want to be doing.
Have you done things like that before? Or was this a one off?
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