A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Feelings of affection for someone can cause so much sadness can't it? Well I guess that wasn't so much a question as it was an observation but I could really do with some advice on what attitude you should go into a relationship with so as not to get hurt when she goes after another guy with better looks. Can't blame her can you? It's human nature to go for the best you can get. So I figured that it's best to be prepared if something like that happens (not happened to me yet, but I've got a feeling that it's about to) Reply to this Question
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male
reader, winter_one  +, writes (29 March 2007):
A good few years ago now, I was badly hurt in a relationship with someone and, as a result, I went into my next one determined to protect myself from the same thing happening. Needless to say, that particular relationship did not work as, by protecting myself, I was inadvertantly holding my partner at arms length. She soon tired of it (obviously) and ended it. Sure I wasn't as hurt as I may have been, but the relationship itself was a complete waste of time for both of us.
What I'm trying to say here is that you have to go into a relationship with everything you've got, otherwise it's pointless. The risk of being hurt is, unfortunately, a risk you have to take if you want to be happy with someone.
Good luck mate
A
female
reader, Silence is Golden +, writes (29 March 2007):
the main key to a great relationshipship is COMUNICATION. You need to be totally honest with each other and respect each others feelings. Treat each other like you want someone to treat you. If after all that it still doesnt work out then you have to accept the fact that it just wasnt meant to be and that you were not suited. True love is very hard to find but you will know very deep in your heart when you have found it.
The best thing that i can suggest to you is " work on your self confidence". if you dont like yourself, how do you expect others to like you?
i wish you the best of luck in your future!.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2007): I suppose the main thing you have got to ask yourself really is, do you want to be with someone who only wants you because they like what they see on the surface, rather than because they want to be with you.
It hurts very much if someone makes out in any way, that your not good enough especially if you really genuinly like them but by what you said i'm not sure if this is the case. The part where you said 'Can't blame her can you?' comes across more to me that you are feeling really down. What your mind set should be is 'why should she want or need to look elsewhere?'
Has she done anything in front of you or done anything suspicious? If the answer is yes then you need to be open about it and talk to her about it. If you try and protect yourself you will come across not very open and that can lead to miscommunication and insecurities (believe me I know). And if you do open up and she turns round and saids she wants to be with someone else then of course you will get hurt. But at least you know she wasn't the right girl for you and you will get over it eventually.
Try and work on your self esteem and do things to help your confidence (kick boxing it a great way to socialise!!) Then maybe you may just feel better about things generally and things won't seem so bad after all.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2007): Firstly a relationship is built on love, trust, loyalty etc and by having the thought that your girlfriend/boyfriend is going to have an affair with someone better looking than you is getting rid of the trust part in a relationship. I know that it happens but without trust your relationship is going to only make your partner feel pushed into a better looking person's arms as you are making accumptions about that. Go into a relationship with what i said in the first sentence (love, trust, loyalty etc) otherwise the relationship is never going to work. And as for the betrayal of your girlfriend/boyfriend having an affair behind your back with a better looking person you'll get over it (if it ever happens to you).
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