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female
,
anonymous
writes: I have been with my girlfriend for 7 months but things haven't been going well lately. I want to split up with my girlfriend but I don't want to hurt her. How can I let her down easily?
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female
reader, not again +, writes (26 October 2005):
Firstly, know that it is going to be difficult no matter how you do it, and secondly, know that she is likely to get upset no matter how you do it; with those things out of the way the whole thing seems a lot easier!
Now, the next thing to do is work out how to do it "nicely". Do NOT do it on the ph, do it in person. Be honest- be simple- be clear- and DO NOT cave under pressure about say something misleading or that might get her hopes up. You dont want a relationship with her so don't say somthing to suggest that there's hope. Maybe think of a couple of experiences that you've had together and tell her thatyou really valued these times, or say the stuff you really vale about her- don't go overboard and only do it if it feels right, but it might be nice for her to have something positive to think about aswell, but at the same time too much will make her think- then why is she breaking up with me!
I'm glad that you care enough up this girl to ask for advice so as to be as kind to her as possible. Best of luck.
A
female
reader, wishes +, writes (26 October 2005):
 Any way you tell her is going to hurt her. It will be hard for both yourself and for her, and you need to be patient and give her time to deal with what you tell her. If you are sure that you cant work on it, or there is nothing that could change your mind, you need to do it straight away or it will just get harder and you will be wasting her time. If you think there is still a small chance that you can rekindle what you had, then talk to her and tell her how you feel. Whatever you do, dont say on the phone 3 hours before you talk to her that "you need to talk". This is torture for a girl and she wont stop thinking about all the horrible reasons it could be until she sees you. Be honest with her. Say that you have felt things going downhill for a while. Let her get mad, but try not to take it personally or get mad back. She may not be expecting it at all. On the other hand, she may feel the same way and you will end up breaking up on a mutual understanding. However you do it, it will be hard. Best wishes for it all. x
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A
female
reader, Topps +, writes (25 October 2005):
this is a matter of personal choice. People cope in different ways. For me, i want to know straight, not be strung along. "this isn't working for me and I think we should end our relationship". Pretty clear and too the point. And lets face it, it will hurt no matter what you do (if she cares for you). The other way is the "Lets take a break", if you choose option this do NOT be seen out with someone else during the break, as you will deeply hurt her.
You can finish it, to her face, by text, by letter, they will all get your point across. But the best is, to her face, be clear, straight and honest (dont give false hope, if you dont mean it) Be careful with her heart, someone may break yours one day!
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