A
female
age
30-35,
*eralfox
writes:Hello dearcupid,I have had a bit of dating experience, but only one serious relationship. It's really hard for me to tell if a man is interested in being serious! I was hoping you could tell me some signs that he is seriously interested, and not just after sex? I'm not looking to get married or have kids since I am still in college, but I really miss having someone to care about and vise versa. The man I'm seeing now is about ten years older than me, but we are at about the same maturity level from what I can tell, someplace in the middle of our ages.We have gone on a couple dates so far. It feels like we're moving a bit emotionally fast, but not physically. We have kissed, and he likes to hold my hand when we walk around the city. I don't want to sound arrogant, but I'm a pretty girl and a lot of guys always say things like "You're so beautiful blah blah blah" which actually annoys me if I don't know him that well, but this guy always says things like "you're so interesting" or "you're really smart", which I feel are more genuine compliments. His personality is very goofy and sweet. I have met his roommates (we stopped at his house briefly), and I know where he works because that's where we met. He also walks me home, holds doors open, and always pays for the dates. He has told me a bit about his family situation since it's the holidays, and it doesn't sound great. He has not spoken to his mother in years, but he is close to his siblings. He seems emotionally stable to me, but it sounds like a hard situation. I am still getting to know him, so I guess I'm just afraid that he's just really good at "the game" and might know exactly how to act and what to say? I'm not used to guys holding my hand on the second date, because in my generation it seems like guys are embarrassed or scared to show that they are "with" someone. How would an older man show that he's interested in a relationship with me? Am I just being paranoid? I really like him, but I have been hurt in the past and don't want to feel taken advantage of, especially since he is older and I assume he has more dating experience. I don't plan on having sex with this man until I am 100% comfortable. I'm not sure when that will be yet, but probably at least another month into the relationship if not longer.
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female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (27 December 2011):
Hi there. Guys usually won't be thinking about getting serious and towards the future for several months - until they can see you really get along well with each other.
It also depends on the guy himself, and what he wants from his life.
A ten year gap is big, when you are still in your late teens which puts him close to around 30 years old or so.
You probably still want to party and see your friends, whereas he's done all that, and would probably be much happier just living a fairly quiet life. So there will be some contrast between your life and his.
And over time, this will become fairly obvious to both of you. Then there will be some clashes of lifestyles.
While the relationship is still in it's early stages, it's probably not a problem as yet.
To get back to your original question "how to know if a guy is interested in being serious?"
- They treat you well.
- The way they look at you when they talk to you.
- They call you during the week.
- They spend money on you.
- They want to see you as often as possible - well at least once a week, every week.
And an excellent way of knowing, is they take you to meet their family.
And then eventually:-
- Hinting at a future by some of the things they say to you.
They might be subtle, however they will be fairly clear just the same.
If your relationship is only a week or two long so far, well then you wouldn't expect any hint of a future for at least another month or two - or even up to 6 months.
Certainly, within a year from the beginning it would seem to be heading in some kind of direction, which could provide a clue to you.
Generally speaking though, as long as things are all going along pretty smoothly and you are genuinely happy when you are together and have fun, well then while ever it feels that way to BOTH of you, continue until it stops being fun.
And if it keeps being fun and you are sharing yourselves and your lives with each other at an intimate level, you could well be heading towards a longterm future.
Most times though, two people in a relationship instinctively 'know' when everything just feels right. It all seems to fit, and there is nothing missing.
You will know that feeling when it happens.
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