A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:i am a musician and i perform on weekends. my boyfriend used to always come watch me perform and it really was the sweetest thing. i felt really good knowing he was there supporting me but the last few weeks, he has chosen not to go to my performances and stays home playing video games instead. i haven't talked to him about it because i can't "make" him support me if he doesn't want to but i don't know what it means. we are both musicians and have a strong bond through music and i figured of all people in the world, he would be the one to understand i need that support from him and it's really disappointing to not see him in the crowd. should i talk to him about this? any suggestions?
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks everyone, we have been dating for only four months but we've been friends for a very long time and when we were just friends, he was still attending. We are both students studying the same thing and he does not work. I just do gigs at wineries on weekends so it's a very relaxing setting, (I think) But I completely understand, I don't need him to be at every single gig of mine.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2012): Maybe he just doesn't feel like being there in the crowd at the weekend - especially if he's busy in the week. Perhaps sometimes he just wants to chill out at home,wait to see you when your not working.
If your performing every weekend he must get fed up of just standing watching you, it's definately something you have to talk about, to see if there's a compramise. Only he knows why he stopped.Just approach it in a gentle way, not demanding, let him know you appreciated his support
You don't say how long you have been together or how long he's been supporting you at the weekend?
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (18 February 2012):
 It can't be that hard to tell him that you really love it when he shows up? That it makes you feel better about everything?
How long have you been together?
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (18 February 2012):
 You didn't mention how long you've been with him?
You also didn't mention what his job is? Does he work all week? If he's a musician, does he also perform weekends or during the week? Is he a student? What is his schedule like?
Video games are irrelevant here. If he has a tight schedule, it's good that he gets some down time, or the relationship could burn out. Remember, support is in many forms and not just his body at every performance every weekend.
If he started going 2-3 months without seeing you in performance, then I think it would be time to talk to him and come up with some compromise that allows him down time as well as help give you moral support. Just because he might not be there doesn't mean he cares for you any less. It's a burnout danger if the two of you are in constant contact without a break, and he works Monday through Friday, performs his own concerts, and then goes to see yours every weekend.
If that were the case, and I'm right about the schedule, you might want to consider being satisfied with once per month. Now, you might be thinking "Oh, he used to go all the time and was eager to be there!". Good, healthy relationships have ebbs and flows. It's a marathon, not a sprint. His needing down time doesn't mean he cares any less, or you're going to lose him. It's like a couple who has sex constantly twice per day, and one day, the guy says "I'm so worn out, I need a break!" and then goes 3 days without it. That's healthy!
Remember, if you're wanting the relationship to go in the long run, you must allow him to recharge. As awesome as it is to have him be there while you're performing, don't take his needing some time to himself to rest and recharge as a lack of support. He isn't choosing video games over you!
He might also be stressed about something, so I wouldn't just go at him with a "You're not coming to my performances" yet, but ask him if he's feeling stressed or worn out. Then, you can tell him "nothing makes me feel better than to see you while I'm performing, but I don't want you to get exhausted! Can we do the first weekend every month?"
Or, if it's a temporary thing (i.e. if he's a student and it's exam time), just know that once he recharges his biological batteries, he'll be stronger than ever for you!
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male
reader, need2know4life +, writes (18 February 2012):
Yes you should talk to him. Find out what on him mind. I believe that couples should always be honest with each other no matter what. You should let him know how you feel when he's there and when he's not. Then work together to find a solution.
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male
reader, Ayan Ganguly  +, writes (18 February 2012):
 You should talk the matter out with him.It makes no point drawing conclusions all by yourself..it is he who can only answer the reason why he is acting the way he is.Don't draw any conclusions it will only create a greater distance between both of you...have a heart to heart talk with him that's the only way you can try to bridge the gap that seems to arise...hope that helps you..
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