A
male
age
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anonymous
writes:I am a 65 year old male and have been happily married for nearly 30years .We have always said we would renew our marriage vows at this anniversary.I suffer with depression and I am on medication.A few days ago we were discussing the renewing of our vows when I did something terrible I revealed to my wife that I had a short dalliance in the early years of our marriage with a co-worker. I came to my senses within weeks and finished with her I call it a dalliance as I had never slept with her. Relations between my wife and I were a bit strained at the time. Rows and silences which my wife knew I hated. My wife had postnatal depression at the time but I was too engrossed in been flattered by another woman to think like that. We came through our sticky patch and we went on to have a happy marriage and I never strayed again. Why I told her now, I must be crazy. I can only think with us renewing our vows I just wanted no secrets between us. I have been able to put it behind me all those years. My wife is in bits.I cannot tell you how bad I feel for telling her this now. My wife says its like a bereavement hearing this and feels our marriage all these years has been a sham I told her I couldnt tell her at the time as he would have left me and she agreed yes she would have left me. I would be grateful for any advice to put right this awful thing I have done to my wife. I can assure you my wife has been the light of my life and I have repeatedly told her this and I am nobody without her.As I have said before I am 65 and my wife 62 and I just want us to be happy as we were before my disclosure. I am not making excuses but I felt I had to clear this up before we renewed our vows. Is it because I am depressed that made do this? I dont know but I am in bits for the pain I have caused my lovely wife and soulmate. Surely our thirty years together hasnt been for nothing because of my one mistake which I bitterly regret.Ken
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2009): We all make mistakes that we regret. It is obvious you have always loved your wife, that's why you never actually went through with an affair!
I understand that you wanted a clean slate before renewing your vows, but as you now know, the kinder thing to do would've been to keep it to yourself. I don't believe in clearing ones conscience at the expense of others! I am sure you agree with me now!
Try to convince her that your marriage hasn't been a sham, that you have always loved her and that is the reason you stopped seeing this other woman, even though you were going through a rough spot in your relationship. It was so long ago, and you never strayed again...that has to count for something!!! Give her some time to process this, she is probably still in shock! I believe after all these years together, she will find it in her heart to forgive you! She needs time though. As woman, we are incable (when hearing something like that) to just look at it objectively. We react emotionally, no matter how much time has passed. She has to get those emotions out, before she can forgive.
I wish you both all the luck in the world, and another 30 years of happiness!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2009): dearest Ken from the UK. Show this to your lovely wife.You were a naughty young man, why is the big question your lovely wife will ask, and rightly so. However before you set into your later years you felt the need to be honest.There must be a reason why? so enjoy your later years together ask her to understand that you wanted to clear the decks and enjoy the rest of your life together. Who ever the silly lady was, she never out classed your lovely wife. i guess you realise how lucky you are. Praise the lord she forgives you, i think she may. Be patient and attentive.
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