A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've recently started dating a guy. It's been a week since the first date and although I told him I want to take things slow and just date for a bit he keeps trying to get me to meet his friends and family and I think he thinks we are a couple. He is always messaging me telling me how much he misses me, and I know that isn't a bad thing but it's still too soon for me to know know how I feel about him let alone miss him. Also when we are together there isn't much conversation, same with texting I'm forced to try and find something to talk about. I don't want to back off 'cause it's only been a week but I'm feeling a bit smothered and don't know what to do. Has anyone got any advice?I have had a relationship end badly about four years ago, ever since then I've had commitment issues, I did inform my date about this before hand.Sorry it's a bit long.Thanks in advance.
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (29 March 2014):
 I would just be honest.
Tell him I want to met your family and friends when we have been dating a good 3-6 month (whatever suits you).
Tell him you two are in the dating phase so it's about getting to know one another. Tell him YOU NEED to move slowly. Or whatever it is you feel exactly.
My thing is, he is still testing out the waters. MANY girls in your age group can't stand if a guy isn't texting enough, you seem like it's already too much for you.
My guess is he is overcompensating because he wants to show you HOW great of a BF he can be, and YOU are looking for faults so you can cut and run. Maybe because you don't really feel you share a whole lot in common?
Personally, for me this would be something I'd walk away from, it's just too much. Specially if you add the fact that when you are together you really don't converse easily.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2014): You should back off exactly because it's only been a week.
Too much too soon with this guy, OP and it'll only get worse. This is the kind of guy after a month or even less with start giving you shit for not texting back soon enough or start to whine about you not being as interested or invested in what you have etc.
Walk now, don't lead him on any further and get the hell our before it gets worse.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (28 March 2014):
 It's a red flag actually, when he rushes in like this. Easy come, easy go, as they say. When a man has "great passion" as you perhaps could call this... well, he will soon have this great passion about someone else. It's just who he is, he is a man who falls in love at the drop of a hat. This weeks it's you, next week.. who knows?
You could carry on and date him, and I guess you could keep his attention for about a year, then he'd be done and onto the next thing that comes along. In addition to it being a red flag, all this smothering at the beginning of a courtship, that isn't even a relationship yet, it's uncomfortable and tiresome.
Why not cut him lose? He obviously isn't for you, you don't always need 6 months to figure out someone isn't right. Some times, a week is enough. I mean come on, he claims to miss you and he contacts you all the time, but you have absolutely nothing to talk about and he's known you for a week. He can't possibly know you, so what exactly is he so taken by? The idea of you? How charming. That's exactly the kind of guy you want to avoid, the type who puts you on a pedestal, worships you, but the relationship is completely hollow. It reeks of self esteem issues on his part.
I say avoid avoid avoid. Just tell him it's too much and he's not for you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2014): He is trying to establish if there is a connection.
He just isn't sure, and giving you every signal that he can that he is trying. He hasn't had enough time to smother you. Maybe you're just not ready for dating at all. He has to be in-touch with you enough to figure out whether he is wasting his time.
You've got yourself a romantic. Guys like that realize that women expect some sign of interest. As SageOldGuy has said, you sometimes can't please women for trying.
If you're not in the mood for dating, end it now. He hasn't done anything but tried to like you. If you don't really like him, why waste your time being bothered?
If the connection isn't being made, backing off is the right thing to do. I'd normally say give it some-time.
You took time to write a post about it. Who says he wanted any commitment? He's just feeling around for a connection.
Apparently there isn't one. He seems to bore you.
Dump him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2014): Let him know how you feel. Meeting friends is okay and I think that's acceptable but meeting the family, I agree is a little early.
Just explain to him that you feel that he is moving a little too fast for your liking and that you like him but he needs to take a step back and chill out. Or if you don't want to tell him, just leave texts longer.
If he sends a message, don't open it or read it for an hour or so and then text back, he won't know that you're backing off and telling him to do so but psychologically something will click and he'll stop texting as much so eventually when you do talk you'll have plenty to say.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2014): I don't think you should inform someone of your commitment issues so early on, but I do think he's smothering you WAY too much. I think you should say something like "Im flattered that you think so highly of me that you want to take me to visit your friends and family and you want to talk to me all of the time, but I really feel that we need to slow this down."
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