A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone. ok its bit long but please do help me out. Im 28 years old. When i was 10 years old then my parents passed away and from then till to date m living with my elder brother. Im a reserve nature person...most of the time i spend alone in my room. I hardly share my feeling and problems with anyone coz m afraid people might laugh at my feelings and problems. I always make wrong decisions and invite wrong people in my life. Till to date i had 5 boyfriends....but all cheated me and chose another girl. I always treated my boyfriends well, tried my best to make them happy, gave them first priority. But still they cheated on me. But i do admit that m bit negative thinker. I dont show my boyfriends that m thinking negative but whenever i have a boyfriend i always assume that they are cheating with me. I always have doubts on their whereabouts. At the moment i dont have any boyfriend. Please help me...i dont know whether the problem is with me or with the boys whom i choose. How can i improve my life.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2014): This is your problem:
["But i do admit that m bit negative thinker. I dont show my boyfriends that m thinking negative but whenever i have a boyfriend i always assume that they are cheating with me. I always have doubts on their whereabouts."]
You have a problem, that affects the kind of guys you choose. The kind of people you make friends with.
A person falsely-accused of cheating; or suspected of cheating, may as well be cheating.
You consistently choose types likely to cheat; out of self-fulfilling prophecy. You're jaded about men; so you sabotage your relationships to make them predictable.
You have low self-esteem. You figure your relationships are going to end badly anyway. So you lower your standards and just take whomever comes your way. You're always right. They cheat and they always end badly.
You should date now and then; but mostly for companionship and the fun of it. Take your time getting to know guys and not being too quick to make commitments. You don't have much to offer in a relationship, and expect too much.
You are almost 30, but very immature. You don't get out enough and mingle. You need to join an activities club to get you out of your room. If you can't come up with your own ideas for fun and stimulation; you need a club where people come together and plan things. Just go online for something local.
Go on a survivor's retreat to boost your confidence; and hone some survival-skills. Do something to challenge yourself. Take dancing lessons or yoga; for some fun and fitness. Engage in some outdoor activity. You're closed-up too much.
Develop your interactive and communicative skills to become more adept in figuring out and dealing with personality-types. Get a part-time job to earn extra money for travel. Go on holiday and travel alone, to get some exposure to the outside world.
Don't form opinions about people or judge them without the evidence to form conclusions. Suspicion is a by-product of insecurity and trust-issues. No one has time for that.
You've lived a very sheltered life; so a lot has passed you by. You are in need of personal growth. It isn't about men.
It's about you. You're trying to find what you lack as a woman, in men. It isn't any guy's responsibility to do that for you.
You haven't explored enough to discover yourself first.
You're trying to find someone else to compensate for what you lack. Some man to make you a whole person. You depend on men to make you feel safe and secure. The wrong type.
Stay single and take some time to re-invent yourself.
Discover who you are and increase your potential as a woman. Then your confidence will allow you to feel better about yourself; and raise your standards for a better quality of man.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (28 March 2014):
 I have just ONE question for you....
Does "...I always treated my boyfriends well, tried my best to make them happy...." mean that you put out for these guys???? IF "yes," that I suggest that THAT is the basis of the problem(s) that you are experiencing now....
Change THAT, and see what an improved turn your life will take...
Good luck...
...............................
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