A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:After dating a guy for a month, having a blast together and talking about future dates and fun plans together... I had a "bad day" at work and was really quiet while spending time with him that evening and it upset him in the long run - because it reminded him of his past relationship (which was not a good one). I of course apologized for making him feel this way - but my gosh everybody has bad days. So after a week of laying low, we spent a whole day together laughing and enjoying eachother's company. When the day was done - we talked for two hours, he said that he needs time and is not sure if he is ready to be in a relationship right now and said "it's not you... it's me." What is going on? I take it that I have been dumped? Just trying to understand...
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male
reader, Paladin +, writes (12 March 2008):
 You totally correct. Everyone has their bad days and would have to guess he does as well. He should have appreciated the way you handled it rather than compare you to his ex. That was inconsiderate and disrespectful to you. Perhaps one of the only things he told you that was true is that it isn't you and that it was him. I think he handled you bad immaturely and if he wasn't so damn self centered he would have been more understanding. After all isn't that what friends do for each other. You should be glad this happens now rather than later. you seem like a sweet person and I am sure you find someone who has the capacity to be a true friend and companion.
A
female
reader, youngandconfused90 +, writes (12 March 2008):
 Honey,
Don't even worry about this. Chances are that its not you. It might sounds like a stupid tired line, but most guys who are turned off by a girl wouldn't give them a 2hr break-up speech. He would avoid phone calls. If you had one off date and it reminded him of a bad relationship then he is clearly not over it and consider yourself lucky that he was honest with you and himself early on and that he didn't force anything. Allowing yourself to get close to someone after those bad relationships is hard and that's what this is. Like i said consider yourself lucky and walk away with your head held high.
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A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (11 March 2008):
 Hi,
it's the oldest line in the book isnt it. But at least he is being honest with you, and when you think about it he is right. It is him not you. He is the one with the issues and he is intelligent enough to recognise that these issues may be harmful for a relationship with someone who he really likes. I am sure he realises he was being a prat and knows that everyone has a bad day, but what would happen in the future?, you will encounter much more serious problems and how will he react then?
I think he needs time to address his issues, how long has he been split up from his ex? Is he on the rebound?
In any event, he probably means that you two should take a step back. But if he cannot deal with this , I suggest you let him get on with it and move on yourself. Good luck.
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