A
female
age
41-50,
*adyPhoenix
writes:I'm afraid that I'm driving him away. Our relationship only a couple of months old, but it's progressed very, very quickly. He was a high school flame, and after running into him many years later, our feelings still ran high. He was my best friend when we were young. I always knew I could depend on him for anything. We could have entire conversations across a crowded room, just by reading each other's facial expressions, so it wasn't like I moved in with a stranger...After a month of long distance visits, I moved in with him. He bought me a car, accepted my cats, and has done every possible thing to make me comfortable with him. When his work sent him to Canada for over a month, he flew me out for a week. He's been absolutely wonderful...So why am I so miserable? Nearly every night I'm crying about something, and it's driving him insane. I keep him up late talking when he has to work, and he absolutely hates that, but I can't seem to make myself stop.Last night, he told me that the relationship isn't over yet, but that he doesn't have much hope for it going anywhere, because it's been nothing like what he expected or hoped for. He says he just wants me to be happy...He uses the word "yet" a lot, and it tears me apart. He's withdrawn from me physically and he doesn't say the wonderful things he used to say to me anymore, which only makes me feel more insecure. I've suggested that maybe I should go live with my mother for a month or two, to get my head straight in a place where I can't hurt him all the time, but he says he doesn't want me to go, and that if I do, he doesn't think I'll ever come back.What am I supposed to do? My best friend told me to "Fake it, until you make it," an AA saying. How can I fake being happy, and stop making both of us so miserable? He hasn't given up on me (yet) and he says he wants things to work out, so what can I do?
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male
reader, nologo  +, writes (24 March 2007):
 I guess your situation is not hopeless.Just be a little bit more honest with him, okay?When you got a problem, you talk to him at night mainly for compassion, not for solution.This is what driving him insane - he doesn't know how to react to it to make you satisfied.Your relationship isn't over yet, and it will not be if you tell him how you expect him to react.Don't move away, it may help you get your head straight in a place, but you lose emotional contact with him.
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