A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Okay this is really embarrassing but i have no idea where to go.I have a girlfriend, we have been going out for 1 year 4 months. Everything has been great. Had a probblem couple of months ago but since then everything has been sorted. So anyway, as with all relationships the beggining we had sex alot. 4-5 times a week. However at the 6 month mark things started getting bad in her life so the sex life pretty much went to every 2-3 weeks, sometimes longer. At first i didnt know how to handle it but after a while i kinda got control of myself, and accepted and didnt pressure her at all to have sex with me. I respected her decision. Regardless of this I would randomly sleep over at her house. Maybe 1-2 months ago, I would sleep over maybe 3-4 times.Anyway the problem I am having is that at night *somtimes* (has occured maybe 5 times now..) I would I guess you say touch and play with my girfriend. Its weird I know but its not intentional. The next day It feels like a dream. But it has really upset my girfriend every time it happens.It has gotten to a stage now were she refuses to sleep with me. this is really embarising as I cannot control it. It feels if I go to sleep without masturbating, I will be horny at night and do this shit to my girfriend. I have read on the internet a bit about sleep sex and how its in the brain , but how can i firstly explain to my girlfriend that I am not doing it on purpose and b NOT do it.I dont like to think I should masturbate before I sleep. We still randomly have sex every 2-4 weeks, but like I said I am a really horny guy and i feel if I dont masturbate every day I wont be able to control my self when I sleep. This sounds weird I know but I am a confused 18 y . o. I thought when I had a girlfriend I woundnt rely on masturbation, and I guess when we had sex basicaly every day I am fine. But I cant control myself!!Please help me. If you have any questions I will answer...Thanks
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female
reader, PeanutButter +, writes (17 March 2009):
 Its natural, i think. to have wandering hands when you're in be sleping with someone you love...im glad to see some talking went on, i hope everything will now be ok :) xx
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (17 March 2009):
Haha, sorry, I didn't mean to say you weren't good in bed already. I'm sure you know how to make your girl very happy.
I was just trying to say that you could try really spoiling her in bed for a bit.
I'm glad you are not being violent and it's just cuddling plus, that makes it much easier to deal with.
I'm also really happy you have talked to her about it and are getting somewhere. Her ex does sound like an arsehole so I can see why she'd be scared that you are going to get all "It's the sex or me!!" on her.
As long as she understands and trusts you then you can be lovely and loving and nip off for a quiet 2 minutes in the bathroom and everything will be great!
Good Luck!! xx
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2009): Thanks for the reply Guys.
In response to Emilysanswers, The reason why shes not having sex isnt because I am shit at it, or i dont go down on her or anything. When we do have it she enjoys it, its just after talking to her something to do with her ex BF, who she basicaly had sex with so she doesnt lose him (he was an ass)
But I have had a talk with her, and she understands and wishes I told her earlier. I find it weird but i guess there is nothing to do and she is supportive about it =]
And I am not trying to have sex with her, more fondling and stuff. Not like I an on top of her holding her down.
But talking to her seemed to make the difference . Thanks for the imput everyone.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (17 March 2009):
Yeah I think you need to seriously do something about this. I mean, can she fight you off when you do this??
If not then you are basically sexually assaulting her. That isn't good.
I have seen cases of other guys who do this. There was a documentary about it on TV the other month.
If you find that masturbating before sleep stops it then you HAVE to do it. She may not press charges, but if you go further in your sleep and try to have sex with her then she is going to feel like she was raped and that stays with a girl FOREVER.
Explain to her that you can stop it from happening but you have to go for a long spell in the bathroom before bed...
I'm sure she'd rather you do that than have to sleep in fear with a taser by her bed.
Either that or just be a bit more romantic, and give her oral sex as foreplay or some other way of guaranteed orgasm so she's more happy to have more sex.
Always use condoms! There is also less smell and mess for her to deal with if you do and you can get ribbed ones so it's even more tempting to her.
Good Luck!! xx
Good Luck!! xx
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A
male
reader, Johndoe254 +, writes (17 March 2009):
Wow that's rough I'd tell her and explain it and if you gotta masturbate before you sleep it's what you gotta do I geuss this has to be a hard thing for you and ur lady I never heard of such a thing but I just learned a new thing today but just talk about it tell her your not making excuses and are serious about what you are saying good luck I'll be praying for you bro.
Josh
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2009): Wow... Ask her why she is so uncomfortable with sex... (Or so she sounds like she is)
This is unfair to you. =/ She becomes upset by your actions? I don't understand, how can you control yourself when the woman you love is lying in your arms?
Sounds to me like you two need to discuss why you are no longer as sexually active with one another. Perhaps she has grown comfortable with you and no longer feels the intense need to sexually please you. :(
You need to address this and let her know how you feel and what you'd like from this relationship.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2009): me and my bf both have sex heaps and still need to masturbate heaps
were both really horny people haha
so just masturbate if you need to its fine and if the 'sleep sexing' youre doing is upsetting your gf and masterbate before you sleep.
easy
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