A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:It was my birthday last week and I arranged for friends and some work colleagues to go out for a meal. In total there was 19 of us and I just feel the evening was a disaster!Because we were such a large group the restaurant asked us to all be there at 7.15pm promptly. I emailed/ texted/ facebooked/called everyone to make them aware and they said ok.Well the majority of them didn't turn up till 7.50pm 1 woman didn't show up at all (I tried calling her but got no answer). Another person didn't bother texting until 8.30 to say she was stuck in traffic and to go ahead without her! Now the restaurant were getting impatient and our meal was rushed as they had another party to attend too. This led to everyone in my group complaining that we were rushed. But had they bothered to arrive on time we could have enjoyed our meal!Then we decided to check out some clubs and a handful of people didn't want to go to the clubs I chose because the drinks were too expensive.They wouldn't even compromise and come just for half hour and my boyfriend even offered to buy them a drink! They refused and went their own way.What upsets me is that I went out of my way to find a restaurant located where everyone could get to and that had a good menu. I contacted everyone with times and yet no one had a valid reason for being late!Not to mention when I've gone out with them for their birthdays they always like to go clubbing to a cheaper and rougher end of town where drinks are cheap. Now I hate where they go, I don't feel safe, there are lots of drunks BUT I go anyway because I accept its their birthday and they can choose where they want to go and i can deal with it for 2 hours!I feel let down and annoyed. And it's not helping that people made a joke about what a disaster my night was.
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male
reader, benny5 +, writes (5 June 2011):
in NO way is this your fault. you chose "friends". people you could rely on. and they gave you crap back. its not your fault. you stuck it out even on your birthday. and you got this short end of the stick. in no way is this your fault. and youre not pissed off at nothing. everyone reacts to situations differently, but thats respectable. i for one would be upset, but one may not. its not for other people to chose. what matters is your feelings. and they were hurt and let down. if you want try to talk to it out with them. not 19 at once, but 1 at a time. say how you feel. how you were let down. maybe one on one youllfeel a little pressure out.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2011): You broke three of the cardinal rules of arranging something like this OP.
First you had way too many people at the dinner. You should have had only really close friends at the dinner and then met everyone else for drinks somewhere prearranged afterwards. Really OP you can't exactly count all 19 of those people as close friends so dinner should have been for close friends to enjoy with you before meeting up with the others, besides close friends would have respected where you wanted to go too.
The second rule you broke is telling people the real time. You never do that OP, especially with 19 people. You always say 30 minutes earlier than the time you want to meet. There will always be late people OP. Always.
The third is simply it's your birthday, it's supposed to be fun night for you. Who cares who would or wouldn't go where, you were going to that club, the people who ended up would have been your closest friends but instead of having fun you're pissed because everything didn't go perfectly? It never does OP, it never does with 5 people, never mind 19.
You really are pissed off at nothing OP, you just put way too many expectations on people and completely discounted human nature. There are some people that are just never on time for anything. 19 people is far too high a number to be manageable OP, if you really wanted 19 people there then you had to be far more relaxed about the whole thing because you're just not going to be able to get 19 people to dance to your tune. The only number that's important on birthdays is your age. Birthdays are about having fun, where's the fun in having to organize a whole night for 19 people? That's not fun, that's an event planning exercise that's work OP. While you're supposed to be relaxing, enjoying your birthday all you're doing instead is stressing and organizing, trying to make sure everything goes fine and people have fun. How is that a recipe for a good birthday?
The only person who let you down is you. Really it is. You took it upon yourself to organize this huge thing but put far too much expectation into it, instead of enjoying it you spent the night trying to appease 19 people, bad idea.
I'll tell you what I do for birthdays. My birthday itself I have dinner with my girlfriend, my mother, her parents and our siblings. I then go for pints with them in a bar for while until it's time for them to head home. Then me and my girlfriend will head up to a friends place and meet up with our close friends and go to another pub and then maybe a club for drinks. Then back to a friends apartment to continue drinking. My birthday then is filled with people very close to me, people who will be on time, will consider it my night and buy me lots of drinks etc and have a great time.
I meet up with college friends and work friends on separate nights, for quiet pints or to go nuts and have a party at my place.
Next time OP make your birthday special by only filling it with special people. If you feel you have to include others then do it on separate nights for the same reason. Or you could just have big party at your parents house or your house. That way you're in control and it doesn't matter how many people show up or what time they show up. It's not a numbers game, it isn't a pissing contest where you try and get as many people to go as possible, it's about making the night a special one and well you can do that with just you and your boyfriend if you needed to.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (4 June 2011):
 so often work interferes with life and life interferes with work...
the issue is that only the folks truly committed will make the effort to show up
any time I plan a party I assume that SOME of the invitees won't come. I"m never disappointed.
I am sorry you are the good and kind and sweet kind of person that makes that effort no matter who it is that has asked for you to attend an event no matter where it's located.
human nature often disappoints us
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (4 June 2011):
 I am sorry you had a bad birthday celebration. And it wont really help to tell you that these people are selfish or whatever. They are your friends and co-workers. You know them better than I do, you know what kind of people they are. If they all show up that late, is it because they are all horrible people who don't care about you? None of your friends think your birthday is work celebrating?
I run late at times as well, some of us are chronically late for everything. It is disrespectful to show up late, but if they otherwise are your good friends and you enjoy their company, are they overall self centered and disrespectful people? Or was this a case of high expectations, added with the group mentality that time doesn't matter?
Maybe they aren't the closest of friends to you, perhaps you invited too many people? I don't have 19 close friends, and I know if I invited more than 5 people, the group would split up and want different things. You're a nice person who goes along with what others want, but realize that that is a quality about you. It is a quality that not all people have, and you can't expect them to be like you either. It's disappointing, but that's the way it is.
Next birthday, if you want the same people to join the party, arrange something where it doesn't matter if people are late. Or, arrange a smaller party. 19 people is quite a lot. I once arranged dinner for 10 (close friends and family) and that was a lot of work! Not to mention the people barely talked to each other as they didn't know each other well... A smaller party is recommended!
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