A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Dear Agony AuntsI wonder if you could help me please, I’m so confused and upset over what’s going on. Before I go into detail I hope the following background to me/situation may help.I have two very stressful roles that are high profile and very demanding/intense, but I love the work I do. I’ve been with my girlfriend now for 3 months as of Thursday, it’s a long distance relationship but we talk more than once a day and meet about 3 times a month on average. She’s my first ever true love, call me optimistic but to be honest I almost wonder if she could be the one for me – she’s absolutely perfect and I feel so lucky to have her in my life, it’s a real privilege and she makes me so happy.In mid April I became ‘ill’ and have been on/off since. I started being sick, having stomach cramps, not wanting to eat (as pain was so bad etc). Having now had tests by my Doctor, they came back as normal. It is therefore evident that my ‘pains’ are caused by anxiety/stress. This has been really tough for me to deal with as I’ve never had such symptoms at some of my most stressful times where you’d have expected me to at work etc. To make matters worse it seems I’m only physically sick on occasion when I sometimes meet my girlfriend.The whole thing is really upsetting me as I adore her and I trust her etc, there are no issues in our relationship. Yes I was very nervous meeting her parents, but they like me – all is going well. I’ve even talked to her about it and she’s so very understanding. I can’t but help feel it’s something in my subconscious mind that’s eating up at me. Yes I personally sometimes wonder that she’s too good for me (as any guy would I guess), but other than that there’s nothing else to really make me anxious at the moment.Admittedly I was abused as a young child and I do wonder if that’s traumatising/messing with my head without realises as this is my first experience of true love – but day to day I don’t let it and again, I spoke to her about this and she’s so understanding. She’s even suggested/is trying to arrange me to meet a family member who’s some sort of psychologist?Has anyone else ever experienced this weird occurrence? I’d appreciate any support/direction anyone can offer, it’s very much upsetting me as whilst she’s so understanding and we joke of how I’m ‘allergic to her’, this is putting me down and for example I’m travelling to see her tomorrow and I’m so scared of ‘feeling ill’ – I’ve already got stomach cramps.Thank you very much for taking the time to listen to my dilemma and thank you in advance for any support you may be able to offer.Best wishes x
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (7 June 2011):
 yep I have IBS and my flares are very emotionally related.
sounds like nerves.... it might get better... can you try an anti-anxiety medication?
A
female
reader, Battista +, writes (7 June 2011):
OP I think you are suffering from anxiety problems. I have also had similar things in the past, which have also manifested with stomach problems and sickness. I think it is quite common. I also know how annoying it can be, and also that it can turn into a horrible vicious circle.
I would imagine that the reason this happens when you go to see your gf is that it is simply another layer of stress/worry on top of everything else. I'm sure it isn't her per se, but problem the pressure of another journey, and I would also imagine that there is a certain amount of pressure which comes from the fact that you only see each other a few time a month. Of course you want it to be perfect! This in itself could be an added stress (it would be for me anyway).
I would also add that it seems you must be pretty successful and a high achiever, and in my experience these sort of personalities can be susceptible to stress as you no doubt put yourself under extra pressure by setting high goals for yourself and working hard. Of course there is nothing wrong with this, but as you say, your role is intense and high profile, which can take it out of you.
My problems have always abated when I have got a bit of a handle on the various stresses I have been dealing with. My advice therefore would be to maybe try and get some counselling/therapy, however you like to call it, about dealing with stress. I know these sort of things can sometimes have a stigma attached, but I think it is a good, proactive step which might well help with your anxiety. I think from your post it sounds completely normal that you should be reacting to the types of stress you are under, and so I would have a look at seeing a professional who might be able to help you with some techniques for dealing with pressure, or maybe just some help in being able to relax. You may also want to talk over the abuse from your past which could be affecting you more than you realise.
Good luck OP! I'm sure you will get over this, but I do think you need to get some help to do so. These stomach problems are SUCH a pain- I really can empathise- but I think if you can perhaps deal with a bit of the stress/anxiety you will be able to conquer them.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2011): I would say you are suffering from anxiety. I would google some sites on this and read about it. I know I suffer from it and you seem to have symptons of this. Also your past could be effecting you too.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2011): Hello Marian
Thanks very much for your response.
Sadly I'm not scared/get ill travelling I have a company in the transport industry lol!
See how's it's so annoying! Haha
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2011): Perhaps you arent actually allergic to your girlfriend, but maybe you are scared of travelling? Do you fly? Or drive? Is it a long long distance? I know that I often feel ill before going on a plane, with similar signs as you are describing, so my doctor gave me some pills to take before I fly and it completely sorted it out! Maybe that could help?
Hope this works out for you! :D
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A
female
reader, Aunty Susie  +, writes (7 June 2011):
 I would guess that it is nerves that are affecting you. Past experiences can most definitely play a part in how we handle things in our present lives. I was probably in my forties before I could enjoy eating dinner in a relaxed, carefree way. I had a rather violent, alcoholic father, who chose meal times to focus his attentions on his children. Not good for the digestive system. You might benefit from some counselling. You may just need to get some advice on how to deal with these moments of 'feeling ill'. You'll get there, so don't give up. xxx
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