A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am having a huge problem. My boyfriend of 3 years has recently revealed he has started to have doubts. In the last two weeks. He confessed he has only slept with two other people and he thinks that he is "missing out" and that he is "too young". I have a bigger number and me telling him the difference between sleeping with people and being in love is what makes life worth living. I can tell him he isnt missing out on anything but the emptiness of being with someone who doesnt love you. Its like he missed out on the feeling of lust and wants to know what its all about. I am 21 and he is 23. He has been told by members of his family that he should be single for when he starts college in september. He didnt go to college straight after school and (as persuaded by me) now he is living up to his capabilities. He says he loves me very much and doesnt even want to break up with me. But he is scared he will start to feel like he wishes he had been with other people (or sown his oats i guess). He keeps comparing himself to his uncle; who got together with his wife at 18 and recently ended up cheating her. But he's nothing like that. He doesnt want to cheat on me, so he's told me, but he doesnt want to end up having the feeling of wanting to cheat on me. We've never had any problems we're the poster couple, and we make eachother happy. My problem is that I love him and I want him to be happy but he doesn't understand that if its over between us - its really over. That seems to be all that is stopping him. Its like he's got cold feet- only we're not getting married. Please what do I do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, TasteofIndia  +, writes (25 January 2009):
 Hi there,
If he feels like he's not in a place to be in a relationship with you for whatever reason, it's valid. It sounds like he wants to do the single thing and all though he really cares about you, breaking up is hard to do.
If you don't let him go, have his taste of freedom, he'll only grow to resent you over time if he really feels this adamant about things. I think that you should take a break from each other so that he can figure out what he really wants. Chances are, he'll start hooking up with a random girl he found at the bar and halfway through he'll figure out that he made a major mistake and come back. That's not a guarantee, but that's my guess as to how things will pan out.
Give him space to breathe and make some real decisions about his life and future with you.
Good luck!
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