A
male
age
36-40,
*itreach
writes:I'm in a bit of a pickle. I met this girl online, around a year and a half ago, and we have been together pretty much ever since. The thing is, she lives in the US, I live a couple of oceans to the right, in northern Europe.She's all I have ever been looking for. Kind and loving, we share a lot of the same interests - those sorts of things. All was bliss in the beginning. We shared each and every day together the way we could - lots and ever lots of hours. As time has passed by, she has started working more, which culminated last autumn, when it went completely mad. She ended up only being able to contact me a few times a month. It was like that around six months, until around Christmas 2008.Now comes the pickle. I have had a close female friend for many years, who has always been there for me, who lives in the same country as I. Whom I was intimate with at one point, before I started seeing my current girlfriend. I believe I have feelings for this girl. In that time my girlfriend was working, I started leaning on this girl for comfort, and something concrete to hold onto, but only mentally. I told my girlfriend about this, and she was hurt greatly. I have then broken contact with my friend. Now, with all this settling, I'm starting to worry about my feelings. I'm still trying to break the mental connection to my friend, and I'm trying to hold onto my girlfriend who I now speak to a couple of times a week. I love her, but I feel like we have lost something. A connection of some kind. I have told her that I'm starting to feel empty. That I need her more in my life to be able to cope. This is not possible at the moment, however. I just don't know what to do. I have tried offering to help my girlfriend financially, so she doesn't have to work that much, but she won't have it. She won't let me help her. How can I break the emotional connection to my friend, and how can I regain it with my girlfriend in this situation? I don't want us to end up like strangers, before we have a chance of meeting.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2009): One of the best ways to put her mind at ease if she doesn't know the person that spends so much time with you, is to try to make them meet. Arrange a dinner or a casual meeting with both of them next time she is around. This way you will be able to evaluate the situation. Chances are all your worries were fabrications of your vivid imagination and you have nothing to worry about. In the case that you realise that your girlfriend might actually be right, you'll need to change girlfriend. I would recommend you check this forum, they give really good LDR advice http://www.waiit.com/forum/index.php
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2009): I sympathize with you. I am also in a Long Distance Relationship for almost a year. We have met face to face, only twice. We are thousands of miles apart, but it feels as though it might as well be oceans apart. We love eachother and have often thought about the future together. But sometimes I feel that he is content just talking about getting together. Talking on the phone and sending emails back and forth. In the meantime a have met a very very nice man, locally. He also has other commitments. We enjoy each others company and have agreed that we just can't have feelings for each other. But to tell you the truth I don't know if that is possible. I don't know how to carry on a relationship without feelings. I'm not sure I can (or anyone can) just turn off feelings. To tell you the truth I think this local guy is on my mind more than my boyfriend lately. Life gets confusing at times and there's a process to sorting it all out.I don't have an concrete answer for you. I'm not sure any one will. But I will be watching this question closely; maybe I can learn something!Good Luck! I hope you can come to terms with it!
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