A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm having a problem with a woman I work with. We've recently began working together so are spending time together and getting to know eachother. Turns out she's gay. As am I. We also have a lot of shared interests. I think she's an awesome girl and very talented at her work but on my part this interest in her is purely platonic. I'm not sure she sees me just as a friend though and its worrying me.I'm in a very loving and serious relationship with my girlfriend and have no desire whatsoever to be with anyone else. She's the one. Working with this new girl hasn't changed that but sometimes I feel she is flirting a bit too much with me. I'm naturally quite a friendly person and yes, we've had a couple of drinks after work but I'm always platonic. Ever since I realised she may be interested in me more than a friend I've been extra careful not to send mixed signals. I talk about my partner all the time, I speak about how we're about to move in, about how I spend weekends with her mum, but it feels like this girl isn't listening.I like her, but just as a friend. Most of the time she's fine, and we get on great - hence why I don't want to hurt her feelings - but then sometimes she goes too far. She makes loaded comments at me, and flirts outrageously. Sometimes I get the feeling when we have a drink after work, rather than just unwinding after a hard day, she's trying to get me drunk. Its starting to make me uncomfy.I've told my partner all about this too. My other worry is this... What do I do about it? If this girl isn't viewing more than a friend and is just naturally very flirty and a bit cheeky and I diplomatically say something, I'm going to look like a twat. And this would impact our working relationship which is otherwise great and really productive. But if I don't say something, what if she one day goes too far and tries to kiss me? I'll push her off and then that too will impact our working relationship.Please help! I love my partner and am not interested in this other girl as anything more than a friend. I'm dropping hints left, right and centre and being crystal clear that I'm madly in love with my girlfriend and that its serious, but my gut feeling is this girl thinks I'm in to her.Need advice :(
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drunk, flirt, I work with, no desire Reply to this Question
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female
reader, GeeGee255  +, writes (23 March 2011):
 I think she just wants to know if you find her attractive.
It's become a challenge to her. But how you handle it is up to you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2011): ~EVIDENCE BEYOND REASONABLE DOUBT~I've toiled your exact dilemma, and the problem completely rectified itself when I had my girlfriend join the other woman and myself for an evening out where upon my girlfriend and I openly, while respectfully, openly displayed our romantic affections. Perhaps this strategy will prove successful for you. Also, depending on the level of the friendship, it might be better if you discontinue socializing with her outside your work environment entirely. If such is not an option, perhaps restrict your meetings to entertainment arenas which exclude alcohol consumption, and always insure your girlfriend accompany you.Whatever course of action you decide upon, the primary determinants are those which work in the best interest of your happy, healthy and secure well-being.I wish you the best for a constructively amicable resolution.
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A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (22 March 2011):
 A couple things you can do:
-what I don't recommend, although it's easiest: just passively turning down offers to get drinks, trying to figure out ways where multiple people join you for social events with this girl so it's not just you, and her being a full-on flirt; also consider setting her up with another one of your girlfriends, just SAY, hey, you know my situation, I'm all set on the romance front but i know someone great for you...
-straight up say you're not interested, you're in a committed relationship, try to be honest and just say you're coming on a little strong.
-if she can't respect your boundaries that you set out, then she's not a friend she's an aggressor--ultimately your partnership should come before this friendship and you have the right to end what you thought was a platonic thing with a co-worker when she oversteps her position as that friend.
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A
female
reader, cupidus  +, writes (22 March 2011):
 Ask her out to dinner, bring your lover.Case Closed.
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