A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my current boyfriend for 2 years now but i think we have just grown apart i am beginning to question if i want to be with him any more. I like to go out to clubs etc and have fun but all he wants to do is stay at home and do nothing and when i want to go out its always an agrument about what im wearing who im going with and how much i will drink. I really don't know if i want to be with him anymore, its just got to boring. I feel like im married with kids which i shouldn't be feeling at my age.If anyone has been through a similar problem would appeciate your advise. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all your advise i have spoke to him now and he said he didnt no anything was wrong but he is willing to try and change. He said he is fine with me going out when i want to and that he will try and take me out rather than staying in. Ive decided to give him a chance to change, he deserves that because he is great guy, just hope he does change or i'm going to have to make a huge deicision again.
Thanks again everyone you really helped me
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2007): Wow im kinda going threw the same thing ive been married 12 yrs and its just so routinish im a happy go lucky guy shes a wounderfull women but not the same excitement as me shes more my friend then lover i question the growing apart thing to i love her with all my heart but shes not willing to keep the spark lit i do i want to always keep her wondering what surprise do i got for her.I mean you know when you feel that you feel taken for granted and that you will always be there i always think how long will i be there because tomarrows never promissed.I mean oppisets attract but not that different should we comprimise to make them happy and we stay unhappy just because.I just get fed up with the i have to deal with it thing when i shouldnt have to.Im day shes nite.Everything you wrote i feel you emotionaly.Ive got 11 yrs on you try going threw the feelings you feel now times 10.Belive me theres people out ther worst then you look at your relationship and think is it worth it for the life and fun you wanna do. he should be willing to comprimise with you. good luck
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A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (4 December 2007):
 Hi there,
sorry to say but you are right. You have grown apart. At your age there should be no reason why you can't go out clubbing or whatever you want to do. If your boyfriend is holding you back, let him go and you might just meet someone with the same interests. Breaking up is the hardest thing to do especially when you live with your partner, but if you are no longer compatible there really is no other option.
Good luck.
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (4 December 2007):
 I think if you really feel like you want out of this relationship then you have got to tell him sooner rather than later. The longer you leave it the harder it will get, you are already questioning whether you want this relationship anymore, so my guess is ultimately you don't. It sounds like you both want different things, he wants to settle down, and you want to go out with you mates. So i would maybe tell him you want a break and see how it goes, then you can go out clubbing and wear what you like without feeling bad. But as i said, tell him sooner rather than later.
All the best x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2007): Have you ever asked him why he doesn't want to go out clubbing with you?
He might be intimidated by the idea. Some people have never socialised properly and can struggle in basic situations so they decide to avoid them altogether. Its called social phobia...he may try and disguise this as saying 'No i dont want to', 'no i can't be bothered' 'Whats the point?''im better than that' etc.
Does he have his own friends?
If he doesn't and your his only real friend then theres a good chance that he suffers form social phobia and he needs to talk through his fears with a counseller or psychiatrist because it will ruin his life.
It is unlikely that he is just a boring person. If you don't think he has social phobia then maybe you have just grown apart and its time to move on.
Whatever you do, DO NOT CHEAT. End the relationship first and make sure its permanent and not just 'a break'.
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