A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:Hey. I have never had trouble getting a boyfriend and have always had lots of attention from guys. Lately though, I feel like I have been getting it on with any guy I meet. I don't want to be labelled 'easy' and I never mean anything by making out with all these guys. I have no feelings for them whatsoever, it is so random and I'm fed up...Also, how do I show a guy my real personality? I am so afraid that a guy will be put off by what I am really like that I have started only appealing to their sexual side and I'm afraid this is making guys lose respect for me. In other words, I don't kniow how to keep guys interested either. Please help...thanx Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2005): Good for you! I am so glad you are fed up..this is a wonderful turning point in your life. Knowing what you are missing out on -when you fail to love your body/mind and treat with respect is the first crucial step..to happiness. Dating guys for the good times may be fun but you are realizing, what it has cost you. You are beginning to realize that if you continue on this path, your self-esteem will just keep continuing to take a perpetual huge nosedive. You deserve to find love and respect in your life. Finding guys just to "make out" with is causing your to shortchange yourself and it has to do with your own issues of low self worth, issues of not honoring yourself, and not being able to trust that you are worth loving.
If you can find that self-respect and work through it, you'll be well on your way to the happiness you are seeking. It has to come from the inside first, before it can show up on the outside. And this is WHAT nice guys you date will take note about you...your self-respect and they in turn-will respect you and treat you in high regard.
Keep working at self-love because eventually, you won't have to keep proving to yourself that you are worth loving by going to these guys that just use you. You'll be able to trust being loved by a worthy good guy. But before you can get the attentions of a worhwhile guy, you need to love yourself fully. As for keeping a guy's interest in you- just be yourself-be classy, be fun, smile, be nice and most importantly...be honest. But the real key to finding a good guy is for you to make choices on whom you date. Start being more selective and if you do date a guy-get to know him as a friend first and take it slow. You will still meet up with guys that will just want to "jump your bones"--send them packing. They are not worthy or potential boyfriend material. I hope all this has helped you..and has put it all in perspective. Take care and keep believing in yourself.
Hugs, Irish
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2005): hiya, if you do what you are doing now it may come back to haunt you. i used to flirt with a lot of guys and it got me nowhere in the long run. in the short term i was so flattered that so many guys liked me but now i have a boyfriend we have had many arguments about all these guys and people have called me really horrible names for it. i never used to show my true feelings to anyone but now i show my true feeligns to my boyfriend i feel so happy with myself and if i look back i cant understand why i wasnt myself becuase i think being yourself is so much more attractive then pretending. what i recomend is forgetting about guys for a bit, concentrate on your true self, find things you enjoy doing and do them! and when you talk to people dont be afraid to show them who you are or you may regret it like i did. if you do feel down and maybe want someone to make you feel better why not put on your best clothes go out feeling incredibly confident and show off your personality and i guarentee you will get an instant boost by compliments instead of sexual things.
dont forget if you keep doing what you are doing it will probbably land you in lots of trouble and nobody wants that do they ;-)
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2005): You sound like me at an earlier phase in my life. I never thought a guy would be interested in me (as in who I was) so I just offered my body. In the end it is not worth it - you become a joke to them and to yourself.
I found a guy who I decided I just wanted to know as friends before it went any further. We got to know each others personality and likes and dislikes and from there we knew if we wanted to pursue something further. After two months of just being 'pals' and hanging out together both one on one and in a group we fell in love with each other for who we were.
This guy never saw my naked body or felt me up, or even kissed me until after that two months.
The point i'm making here is NOT that you have to wait til you fall in love to have sex or kiss (that was the first and longest time i had waited too)but that if the guy you are interested in is worth your time, if you act yourself around him at all times and show him naturally who you are then the guy will appreciate you more for that and will be willing to wait to get to the physical side.
Everyones personality is unique so if you are worried about yours not being good enough or that you're boring, you are being way too critical of yourself and obviously have low self esteem. Everybody is lovable and there are always quirks in peoples personality's that the right person sees and loves.
oh, another tip. Don't focus too much on looks in guys. I used to do this also and I found that the really good looking ones always turned out to be losers and jerks. on the other hand you can get a guy who may not be a cover boy but his personality makes up for it and makes him just as goodlooking as the amazing looking ones.
Bottom line - be yourself and don't cover your personality up. Pick guys with personalities and who treat you with respect.
Also, if he is into you, you won't need to 'hold' his attention by doing things or not being yourself. Just by loving or appreciating the guy and showing him that you do will hold him there.
Hope this advice helps because trust me - you don't want to be at the bottom of the ladder when you could of been right on top all along
...............................
A
female
reader, xxxsoulsistaxxx  +, writes (16 August 2005):
 Letting a guy get what he wants too soon makes them lose interest in you and move on to someone else. Don't let this happen, keep him in suspense for a while until he deserves to touch you! Trust me, the longer you wait, the better it is and you'll find out if they really like you or are just using you.
Getting a name for yourself is never a good idea and it often ends up as being the only reason guys come on to you. Get your self respect back and make them work for your attention! Good luck :)
...............................
|
