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male
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anonymous
writes: Ok .. I dont know where to begin. *sigh* Thanks for advance in reading this.(5 years ago)I'm 25 , male .. been in 2 serious relationships in my life. I was cheated on the first time , walked in and caught her with my best friend. Never spoke to them again , moved 600 miles away the following weekend.Skip to now :I met my girlfriend online in a game. Talked on the phone forever , Aol messneger , finally decided to meet at a neutral location. Great weekend with her, 2 weeks later she moved to my state. we got a house together, she's perfect for me. We have everything in common. She has 3 children from a previous marriage , and an ex husband. Her 2 daughters are over 18 and her son (who lives with her and I) is 6. The problem : Her ex used to beat her. I hate him with a seething passion that would wind me up in jail some day. He lives in a different state but has decided to move closer to the little boy (who lives with us). I want him to leave us alone, and Im afraid that when I see him, I will hurt him. I also get these visions of her cheating on me, with her ex husband. Really vivid images pop in my head, and I cant shake it. I begin to dwell on it , (what if this happened ...) blah blah .. And I begin to get angry and more angry until it ruins my day , and stresses me out. I become overwhelmed with these thoughts / visions of her cheating on me, to the point where I become hostile and have to go work out or beat on a punching bag .. I would never hit a woman, even if she was beating the crap out of me. You dont hit women, and he hit her. And she's mine , and that makes it my problem. Even though this man has children with her, I feel that i owe him nothing , (except a ferocious ass whopping) , and that he should just move on in life. I know my thinking isnt logical , and that this man has a claim to see his boy , and im not trying to adopt him or anything ... I just wish he was gone. My girlfriend , who I plan on popping the question to , in the near future .. has no feelings for him what so ever (Ive told her about how I envision her cheating on me and such...but it just gets her angry that I would think like that ..What do I do? I honestly can't control myself when I think about her and that man having sex prior to us getting together , and I cant control myself when I envision her cheating on me with the father of her children ...
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female
reader, vivi +, writes (6 January 2006):
ok as a woman let me tell you its a pain in the ass when there is nothing you can do to scum like that. i understand that completely. do you love her? then f*** him just make sure you let him know that he is now stepping on very dangerous grounds and you won't allow him to hurt her EVER again. and what happened between them two is in the past. now as far as the little boy goes, does he treat him good? If so, let the boy see his father. Don't cause unnecessary problems between you and the woman you love. Help her out. Think about it, do you really think its easy on her?
A
female
reader, kellyO  +, writes (6 January 2006):
 I think you are just plainly angry with this guy and all he put her through. The thought of him treating the woman u love with such disdain makes u even more angry.
You are right though he has children with her and he cant help but want to be part of his kids life. You might hate all stand for which is understandable but they are his children.
Also, u have to think about the lady u are with now. She must have been through alot over the past years. Her husband hitting her and all. You have to be supportive now. She has assured u she doesnt have any feelings for him so its better to leave it as such. She is with you now not him.
You can seek counselling with her to help u get over these angry feelings.
All the best dearie
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