A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am going to collage right now, i am 19 and single and have not really ever had a girlfriend. In high school at graduation someone told me that almost all the girls thought i was gay because i didn't ever harass or grope anyone. This just upset and infuriated me because its like a slap to the face for not being a jerk. What a nice way to thank someone for not being a typical male.I i have been trying and hopeing to find someone i like in collage but so far ive just made friends like girls i can get along with but have little or nothing in common with and/or not attracted to. Sure i have seen girls i like but im not going to just be like hey wanna date and it seems like most people at my collage are in their own little world, its nothing like i always heard. It was supposed to be a place to meet new people and possible significant others. Its like if you didn't already know them then you don't exist to them, they just go to class and leave. I also expected to at this point find that some girls at least had grown out of the interest in jocks,jerks, and idiots but that doesn't seem the case ive seen so many cases that screamed otherwise blatantly. Perfect example, in my sociology class a guy and his friends sat behind us and made fun of our asian teacher and said a bunch of racist stuff and were being retarded empty headed jerks. I know that others heard them including a cute asian girl. I saw one of the jerks making passes at her even tho he had been less then an hour earlier making fun of her heritage and she was eating up every last minute of it. She heard him going on about it and she still would rather go after a hot jerk over a normal nice guy when i know their are at least a few at our school a couple of which have talked to her and continue to.The only girl I honestly really like for non shallow reasons is to immature and into the same types of guys and always gets hurt and bitches to me about it and it just pisses me off because she knows i like her and she has the nerve to talk about it. Ive told her off about it and she still does it and complains about always being single. She just always tells me im not what she is looking for right now, maybe that's YOUR PROBLEM YOUR ARE LOOKING FOR THE WRONG TYPE OF GUY !!!!!This is made worse because i know she likes me but for whatever reason she wont act on it and refuses to. How am i supposed to get out of this hole if i cant find a date or anyone that likes me at collage. What am i supposed to do, help!
View related questions:
immature Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Legoloser4 +, writes (20 March 2012):
Well i am exactly the same as you apart from curly hair nobody wants and im only a freshmen in hs. My girl is kindathe same way, but i know why. She's afraid of getting close because she doesnt want to get hurt or hurt me. Thats the price of wearing you heart on your sleeve.
Dont let it get to you. You wouldnt want to change being nice just to have a girl. As for appearing gay the only thing that should really give them a reason to think so is their imaturity.
However their is a word for people like you and i metrosexual.
Youre older than me so you should know that time is the keeper of everything good.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2009): DW, those dumb, ignorant jerk guys won't have their power much longer... once they exit college world and enter reality- they won't know what hit them...
You sound like an awesome, sweet person and your caring nature, respect for girls and moral values is truly sexy. Why doesn't the world have more of people like you??
You just keep being you ;)
...............................
A
female
reader, mediocreland +, writes (7 October 2009):
Ah ha, you sound exactly like my boyfriend. He grew up in a small town, went to a small town college, and is a huge nerd. He's 22, I'm 19, and I'm his first girlfriend. Hate to say it, but the thing that helped him was moving out of that small town and into a different, more busy one. We met eachother at work, so again, common interests do wonders.
Either way, you'd be surprised at how many geeky girls there are hiding around. Most are shy to admit they like video games and anime, and most are just plain shy. You have to be active about talking to girls. Start off right away by talking about what you like, and what your views are. The girl who's right for you is probably feeling the same thing you are- discouraged and a little shy, so she's probably not going to be right there infront of you.
Trust me, nerds have a chance of finding a girl, don't let that discourage you at all.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2009): Hi
You are a wonderful person and it is great that you give a damn. It is okay to get annoyed, but that doesn't really help your case. Just go with the flow and please don't let what people think of you get to you... if they had any brains, they'd use it for something better and of course you know how truly special you are!!! So... really...just live and be...
As for meeting a girl, well, you want someone pretty special, right... well you know that good things take time... Just live and I understand that perhaps you weren't looking for any advice at all, just someone to accept you and listen to you!!
SO... and we are all here to listen to you... tell us anytime, friend!!!
Love :)
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYeah i have self esteem more so now then ever and i don't mope around about it, it just sometimes really upsets me and angers me to see all this going on, people advancing socially, and im sitting in place and have been for a long time.
I dont want to date the annoying IQ of a donut girls, the OMG type you know what im talking about lol, so your right and i dont want to date girls like that anyways never have. I am basically a nerd and its hard to find people with the same interests ive had a lot of girls find me cute but the main problem is when someone is new to me i tend to be sorta shy but not like unfriendly but not always.
I live in a tiny town outside of a small city so people around here are mostly narrow minded so they often look at me like i have the plague for liking anime and having a wide view on reality. Sorry I care about things that matter universally lol, my parents even thought i was odd for liking anime and other interests so much till they met many people outside of our state in a city that liked the the same stuff. They felt kind of dum seeing how common it could be.
Because of my interests so few people share my interests so its hard to have a conversation and run out of material faster then people who follow the mainstream, dont get me wrong i like 30 rock and the office as much as the next guy but it isn't my center interest.
...............................
A
female
reader, mediocreland +, writes (7 October 2009):
No girl will be interested in you if you seem desperate. Ever. Girls also wont be interested in you if you whine about not being noticed for being sensitive. It sounds like you're actively searching for a girl just because you're in college and because that's the generic college life and goal. You have plenty of time and plenty of girls to get to know in school. Don't sit there and expect them to come to you. Not everyone just goes to class and leaves. You have to make the effort to talk to the girls you're interested in. Make sure they know you're interested in them and don't talk to them like you would to your girl friends. That's a great way to avoid the friend zone right away.Girls usually like the jerks and bad boys because of one thing. Confidence. You absolutely have to show a girl you're confident. Even if you have to fake it. I think that's a problem with most of the sensitive guys, and maybe why people questioned you for not harassing girls. Confidence does not equal being a jerk though. You don't have to have a huge ego about it, but just the smallest amount of confidence helps.In the end, just relax. You have so much time left to find a girl you really like and who likes you back. Try starting by talking to girls in a class you're really interested in. Common interests are a good way to get a relationship going, and you can see where it goes from there.
...............................
A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (7 October 2009):
In your case, you're a rarity. For your age (and even a lot of guys older than you) you seem much more mature and levelheaded than most guys or even girls. When girls are young, which even I've been guilty of in the past, is to be attracted to the moronic guys because they're "cool." They're cool because they don't give a crap, go around acting like fools, yet they're outgoing and can get a girl interested because the girl is thinking, "Wow, this scary, intimidating guy who doesn't give a crap about anyone is appearing to give a crap about me. Boy I must be special!" In reality, we all know that this isn't the case.
But you did mention something that I have to disagree with, which was, "Sure i have seen girls i like but im not going to just be like hey wanna date..." Do you think a girl will ask you that? Probably not, so that would leave it up to you. Of course you don't go up to some random chick and just ask her that. You have to flirt a little. Show you're interested in a girl with eye contact and maybe a smile here and there, see how she reacts. If she seems interested by reciprocating on several ocassions, that's when you can try initiating contact with someone that you're interested in.
Believe me, within a few years you'll meet girls that are over jerks and like nice guys. Personally, when I meet a cocky guy that thinks he's God's gift, I try my hardest to let him know that he's just another person like everyone else and that he's nothing special. Don't worry about it so much yet, you've just started college, you just haven't met the right girl yet. And keep in mind, the first girl you date probably isn't going to be the last girl you'll date. Just have a good time, make the best of it, and build your confidence.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2009): Hi
Great to know that there are a few good men left!!! PLEASE DON'T CHANGE!!!(Wish I had a m,an like you when I was in college).
Hey, I am astounded and shocked to know that women today have such low self-esteem that they'd rather be with some empty headed, crazy, ignorant and insensitive jerk, who is popular rather than with a real man like you!!! Well, these are the women who are going to regret their choices a few years down the line and then write to us asking that they are obviously beautiful, then why haven't they met any good men!!!! (not trying to judge but you know a woman is responsible for her own misery).
Now, about your issue, do you really want to date any of these superficial ladies? How long do you think that will last and how enjoyable will that be? Now, the giant college myth... well the ones that we go to school are the ones that attend college, right?? And, given the law of average, there are going to some people that share your value!!!!
Of course, it sucks to know that even if we are a class above the rest, we get chastized. Don't waste a single thought on that. Einstein said that one must never underestimate the power of collective stupidity!! (or something like that). Needless to say, don't let them get ot you, ok.
As for meeting that girl, you will meet them and that too someone who will be pretty special. You know, I am a firm believer that relationships just happen and love comes to us, we can never go look for it.
As for meeting new people, I suggest that you enlist in activities you enjoy and try to make friends.
Sometimes, one needs to leave it all to destiny and just let the universe take it's course. HAte to use these words, but here goes... Be patient... if it is taking time then you probably have someone very special coming to you...
YOu'll know... believe me...
TAke Care & Love :)
...............................
A
female
reader, HereAreMyTwoCents +, writes (7 October 2009):
 If your strength is you're the sensitive type then look for sensitive girls. Look for them in the more "sensitive", expressive, and creative majors like art, music and English. I know this is a gross generalization but it may be worth a try. Also look for the quieter girls, they are the ones more likely to have something up there in their skull besides a .15 blood alcohol level, and will be the types least likely to accuse you of NOT trying to grope them. Another gross generalization, but also worth a try.
...............................
|
