A
male
age
36-40,
*uza2k3
writes:Am totally confused. I have been in this relationship now for four years. This January my girlfriend left me for another guy, I later got to find out, and she slammed these words on my face in the presence of her friends that 'she's no more interested in the relationship that I should stop disturbing her'...I was completely disturbed for days, I seek my friends advice, which they said I should never call her or see her again. A week later she came back begging me and crying that it was the work of the devil, that I should forgive her. I told her to give me little time to get over it, because it would take some time or my heart to heal back. I accepted her back but things wasn't really normal, I bullied her etc. 3 weeks later my dad died, which was very painful, she was there for me throughout my dad’s funeral and was keeping my company, but seriously a heart that has been slightly broken earlier by her and got even more broken after my dad’s death might take a long time to heal. I told her what was going on with me physiologically that it might take time for me to get back on my feet, but I would definitely will. Sometimes, she call me, I hardly pick up or reply her sms due to what was going on.Recently I am overcoming the physiological trauma and I noticed her attitude changed towards me completely, any act or effort of making ourselves see each other she declines it. I decided not to disturb her for some days. To my surprise she didn't wish me happy birthday on my birthday. A day later, I called her and asked why , all I could get was useless excesses , she said has no call credit on her phone, her phones were dead, etc , during our conversation I heard different background voices underneath her voice which was her friends talking and telling her to apologise to me. I got so frustrated , I called one of her friend on phone which I heard her talking and told her all what my girlfriend did how she didn't call me on my birthday, how she left me in January and later came back to apologize, etc. Later on that day my girlfriend called me and brought up the argument that why I called her friend to tell her all what she did, etc... I got very confused and angry because she didn't want to accept what she did, I busted out my anger and we both ended up quarrelling. Two weeks later, she ended the relationship, all my cousins, sisters and brother called her to know why she acted that way, she kept hanging up or never pick up. It’s been two months now we talked and I miss her than ever, I later discovered through her FaceBook chat she's dating someone much older than me because he promised her marriage within a very short time, I know he's deceiving her.. She sent me an msg on FaceBook saying "hi, hope you are good? just checking on you". I didn't reply because I don't think I should. I think she might be missing me also through that message. Am trying to move on since, but it’s hard to move on from a 4year relationship, sometimes I think does she feel the breakup at all? Please help... Can we get back together, what can I do!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (26 May 2013):
I think the question really needs to be "SHOULD you" not "CAN you".
You have a lot of unhealthy associations with her and your grief. Not to mention you guys have too volatile a relationship. Find someone who you have no history with and who you get along with and start over.
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