A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:So I've been dating this guy for several weeks. Seems normal enough. He's 42, I'm 37. Last date was at my house, we cooked together and kissed etc (no sex). We were due to meet up in the week but he cancelled the day before with work commitments and suggested Sunday instead. He invited me over to his and said he was really looking forward to it. Last night he went out for drink and towards the end of the night he texted that he'd had an "emotionally heavy" night (?). He then texted later (when I was asleep) saying he'd drunk too much and would phone me in the morning. I woke up early and said "that sounds ominous, tell me earlier rather than later if you're cancelling". He replied a few hours later with "hi, I'm really sorry, I'm feeling very rough this morning and will have to cancel. I think I've overdone it after a difficult few weeks and am feeling very vulnerable. Hope you enjoy the day x". Ok I was a bit hasty in my reply. Instead of thinking on it I replied "that was as clear as mud but I think I understand the underlying message". No reply. The underlying message to me was that he's not interested. We live far enough apart with conflicting work schedules that to have a whole day together was a bit like gold dust. And he cancelled! I don't know if the "overdone it" and "feeling vulnerable" bit relates to me or some other factor in his life (he's working flat out finishing his training to be a child psychotherapist and has 2 sessions of therapy a week himself as part of that). Well I guess he's not interested in me or he wouldn't cancel. Or he's scared of getting closer. Or he really just needs a day of head space. But I am fed up! I deleted his number in case I get tempted. What do aunts and uncles make of this? I should've asked why he's feeling vulnerable etc but it's too late now! I don't want an unreliable flake in my life so maybe he's done me a favour but I feel a bit sad and confused. Thanks for any help.
View related questions:
drunk, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe's a flake. He dumped me by text, he finished it because he's too busy with course work and doesn't think it's fair to have a relationship and risk disappointment in the future. Which all means, he wasn't that interested.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for answers. Sunday was my suggestion because I had plans Fri and Sat night was off all day today. We worked out our dates depending on prior commitments. It was meant to be a day together cooking, going for bike rides and walks etc, then me going home.
Last night he said he was popping out to join in birthday drinks but drank too much (very unlike him as he can't tolerate drink) and then I got a text saying it has been an emotionally heavy evening. I wonder if an ex was there.
Cancelling is a very bad sign, but I don't know what he was going on about feeling "vulnerable".
He was texting daily, several times, but not so hot on the phone calls. Nothing since this morning.
I have to fill in the dots.... He was either seeing other people or he's a flake.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2013): Absolutly the right thing- he is requesting to spend time at home, not in public. He is setting up dates on a Sunday? Bad sign, he's either out trolling for women on Friday/Saturday, taking someone on a date or actually sleeping with a fling/etc. He is not reliable and obviously not tickled pink to spend time with you- canceling is a bad sign. It doesn't sound like he's calling you much, if at all. You are awesome, I'm proud of how assertive you are. No point playing games with him. I wouldn't give him a chance again- unless he's calling you daily and trying to make a proper date in public and on a Friday or Saturday. Don't bother with him. In terms of kids, Is that something you want? If it is - Just a suggestion- I've had two friends at 38 and 37 freeze their eggs. It took the pressure off of dating and cost about 10,000.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2013): Well one thing that stands out to me as suspicious is that he made plans with you for Sunday and before that during the weekday...but not Friday night, or Saturday. I think he is dating other women in addition to you. In fact, I think he was on a date last night that went well and he is probably spending his Sunday with the girl he bed last night.
Guys who are dating multiple women usually save Friday and Saturday for their main squeeze and make time on weekdays for other women.
If he really liked you he would've asked you out before Sunday, anyway, as clearly he was not working last night but instead out drinking. He could've made time for you.
You did the right thing deleting his number. He wasn't serious about you.
...............................
|
