A
female
age
30-35,
*ictoriasecret
writes:okay so im 20 years old and i already have an 1yr old daughter... i just found out today that i am pregnant again ..n the guy that i was with already has a little girl with a another woman n doesnt see her at all he drinks alot n likes to go to the bars every saturday hardly works n sleeps around with alot of girls...hes told me b4 that his past girlfriends that he got pregnant all got abortions(3ofthem).our relationship is not that steady either. i mean we talk almost eveyday but we dont see eachother everyday.. my daughters baby daddy left me when i was 2months pregnant n never heard from him ever again...so idk what to do.im afraid to tell him that im pregnant n i'm thinking he'll probally deny it....its hard enough with 1baby n being a single mom idk if i can do it with 2.. so should i tell him?
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male
reader, Serpico +, writes (27 October 2010):
One sentence -
Birth control is your friend.....
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (27 October 2010):
 I do not think you should are what his friends say about you. They are not your friends, and why should you bother trying to impress them for? They are none of your concern, and what they think has no significance whatsoever. What other people think in general isn't what you need to concern yourself with. You do what YOU feel and know is right for YOU, not what you think someone else wants you to do because you are afraid what they will say about you.
If you can not abort, or forgive yourself, adoption is an option. But, if you give birth to the child, both it's parents need to agree on having the adoption, otherwise the child will not be able to be given up. That means your boyfriend (soon to be ex I hope for your sake) could change his mind last minute, after it is too late for abortion, and you have to take care of another child as well.
However, again I will emphasize that you should talk to someone about this, someone who actually works with unplanned pregnancies, and know what it is all about. On here we can only tell our opinions to you, but this is a huge decision that you should reflect more over than just hearing out people online. Talk to your doctor. And call a help-line for unwanted pregnancies.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2010): ever think about adoption???
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A
female
reader, No watered down advice here! +, writes (27 October 2010):
 Yes. You should you tell him. Remember it takes two to make a child. What other people "THINK" about you really isn't any of your business. Worry about and your baby and him for now. TELL HIM. You did say he'll "PROBABLY" deny it. You left room for HOPE!!! So... Go for it!!!!
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (27 October 2010):
 Well can your mother take custody of this baby seeing as you can't afford another child? Even if you tell him, he can deny all he wants but it will come down to him taking a paternity test then you taking legal action against him to get child support...at least this one is in the country. It's your body, your choice, you don't have to get an abortion..but like I said see if your mom will take custody of this new baby. Or if you do get child support out of him that will help immensely. Do you have a job? Start taking on more hours for extra cash before you go on maternity leave. Lastly, there's also state aid you can use such as WIC which if you fall into a certain income bracket you can get vouchers to buy formula, baby food, and a few other food items..
Do make sure you are using a form of contraceptive next time such as the pill, shot, vaginal inserts, and using condoms. You already have one child plus another on the way..don't get pregnant a third time. Let this be a lesson learned.
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A
male
reader, slimfish  +, writes (27 October 2010):
 well i cant really say what you want to hear.
but i will say you have been really stupid, you have had sex with this guy, and now you want to bring another unwanted child into this world.
you've been through this before and yet you still went out and got yourself pregnant again. don't blame the guy, it wasnt rape, and at 20yrs of age, you knew what the result would be. he told you he was a looser and still you got pregnant.
you know the best thing would be a termination in this case.
sorry, but you have no other realistic option.
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A
female
reader, victoriasecret +, writes (27 October 2010):
victoriasecret is verified as being by the original poster of the question theres is no realationship whatsoever with my daughter n her dad. and i know if i tell him that im pregnant he'll deny it n tell all his friends that im trying to tie him down or something.ive tried to put my first daughters dad on child support but they cant find him because he went back to mexico..if i were to have an abortion i would never forgive myself ever but at the sametime i cant afford to have another baby ...should i tell him n not care what other people think including my 19yr old sister n mother n all his friendssay about me?
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A
female
reader, No watered down advice here! +, writes (27 October 2010):
Can you say...."Birth~Control"? OR Better~Yet...Try this Word. "Condom"? IJS ...THE "STATE" KNOW HOW TO MAKE HIM SAY " I CAN PAY $$$$$ For 21 years! ~Yes! Sweet? Tell Him! You shouldn't $$$for a baby all by yourself! ~No watered advice here! And THANK~GOODNESS all you got is "PREGNANT" from HIM!! :/
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (27 October 2010):
You could definitely tell the baby father if you want to. But embrace yourself to hear that he will want you to have an abortion. How do you feel about abortions? And did you not ue protection? He sounds like he has a habit of "accidentally" impregnating women, something I am highly suspicious of. He sounds very immature. So I do hope you can stay away from men like him and not let this happen again. Use double protection if you must, in example both birth control and condoms.
But for now, figure out what you want to do, what feels right for you. I suggest different help-lines in your country that talk to young women who are unplanned pregnant. You should also contact your doctor and take it from there. Through your doctor you can talk to someone about abortion, to help you make an informed decision.
You said you haven't heard from the father of your 1-year old, are you recieving any financial help from him at all? You know he DOES have a responsibility, and he can't just up and run and leave you with everything. Im not sure about the laws in your country concerning that, but to the best of my knowledge child-custody cases can end up in court. There are definitely laws concerning child-custody and responsibility, and for a fact I know fathers can't just up and leave. So how is the situation with the father of your 1-year old?
What else is your situation like? Are you at all capable of taking care of another child? How are the kinder-garden offers? And another important question: if you were to have an abortion, how do you think you would feel about it later on in life? Would you have regrets? Many who have abortions go through depressions. These are things you should talk to your doctor about and demand advice and answers.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2010): I think you should let him know you're pregnant but don't get your hopes up on how he might react.You already know what he's done with the other girls so if he suggest an abortion I suggest you tell him to give you the money for it at least. Then you move on from that loser cus you don't need him,it will be hard girl but you know us women are strong and can do anything we put our mind to.Get rid of him and take his cash, that's if he has any.Honey you have one kid and about to have another You sure don't need to be taking care of his looser a**.And if you do believe in abortions then its up to you if you're up for it.That's if you really cant handle another child.
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