A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:helpi am a married woman with two children. my husband is critical,a control freak and over possesive, i cannot have my own friends because he gets angry and jealous if i go out, he even hit a male friend because we were good friends.there have been problems now for about 3 years and last year i met a man who treats me with love and respect, i have now fallen deeply in love with this man and he loves me also, i know my life with my bf will be so much better than it is at the moment. but i do care for my husband and would not wish any harm on him but really do not love him anymore,i have tried talking to my husband before but after a while he just reverts back to his old ways, i've really had enough.i hate going home and only stay for the children. my bf is divorced from his wife and i know i only have to leave my husband but the thought of the effect this will have on him upsets me but i want to be with this other man so much, i know he loves me he has stood by me through so much and could have run a mile by now but is still here.does anybody have a similar experience or advice. i just don't know what to do.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, eddie85  +, writes (12 June 2011):
 It sounds like you are on the fence on this one and only you can make the decision. There are plenty of stories out there where woman stuck it out for the sake of their kids. And there are success and failure stories about women who jump ship.
If you are able to carry on a relationship for the past year with this other man on the sly, I suspect your husband is less controlling than you think. Perhaps he becomes "controlling" because he senses your distance and his only way to show he loves you is by controlling you. He may have punched the other guy because he sensed he was hitting on you.
I hope you sit down and sort out your feelings and really ask yourself why is your husband controlling and why that behavior comes out. Perhaps it is something you are doing that draws it out. You'll have to be patient with him if you do decide to work things out -- overcoming a long-term pattern of "controlling" can be tough.
The bottom line is that only you can make the decision as to whether stay or leave. There is no guarantee that the new guy will any better or will want to stick it out long term with you. Raising kids as a single parent is no easy feat either.
You may also want to read "The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage" by Dr Laura Schlessinger. Also you may want to read "Woman Power" by her as well.
Good luck....
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