A
female
age
36-40,
*nonymousdee
writes:ive been hurt a lot in the past and once i was single i told my self i wasnt going to settle for less because i was sooo tired of being taken for granted. So 2 to 3 months later i found this really nice guy. A lot of my friends knew him and said that he's a really good guy. So i thought id take the chance and we dated for a little until he commited to me as a real boyfriend and actually considered to marry me one day. So yea everything was so fairy tale like until 10 months later where we couldnt stop fighting. He's a month younger than me and yes he's immature but i still dealt with him because i love him. Everyone knew i was a good catch for him because we were so perfect for each other. All i ever wanted from him was to be more considerate and to keep his word. Its really not that hard! we always kept fighting about him making me wait when all he had to do was call me and tell me why he's going to be late or if something came up.. im not gonna bite his head off if he calls me to tell me he's gonna be late. i really dont understand.. So last night ive had enough and accidentally proposed a break up... i didnt think he would agree because he always told me i was everything he ever wanted and he would do anything to keep me. so now its over and im confused. he told me our relationship was stressing him out and he needed a break from it.. he doesnt know how long.. but he knew from the beginning i dont do breaks.. its either break up and never get back together or work it out. i think breaks are selfish... so now im stuck with what did i do... i gave him everything he ever wanted in a girl and he could just give up just like that all because he cant change...its not that hard... now i dont know what to do.. where do i go from here? i've lost hope...
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Jovial  +, writes (14 May 2007):
 Hello dear
You can go anywhere you want hun. It’s all about choosing the right direction. I am sorry u feel the way you but its unnecessary to put yourself down like this believe me been there. What you need to understand is that people are not the same so is their thinking. What seemed to be normal, easy and obvious to you didn’t turn out to be the same for him. People saw you as a perfect match but your personalities proved otherwise. People see and say a lot of things although it is only fair to consider their thoughts, it might turn out not to be wise to follow their lead.
It is not a crime that you found him immature and its not your fault that you wanted to be updated than be kept waiting its natural because you expected him to behave the same way you would have if you were in his position. You need to understand that a relationship its like an adventure you explore each other as you go. Instead of making a big fuss that your bf is late, tell him how angry and upset he makes you when he is late, if it continues over and over then you will know you have a problem. Making a fuss about a small mistake sometimes is unnerving and if he is a quite type you might turn out to be naggy I think that’s why he says this relationship is stressing him out.
Learn to separate a serious issue and trivial so that you can know if you have a problem or not. Another thing is don’t expect your partner to change because you expect him to, if you cant get used to his way of living then he is just not what you are looking for so move on. Expect him to change his character in things that affect you negatively as a couple i.e if he likes spending most of his time alone when he is not working obviously you must expect him to change so that you can have more time together etc.
Maybe he did considered you everything he ever wanted but after all the tantrums and everything else he changed his mind and u made it clear you want a break-up and as he was still upset he agreed to it and he decided not to fight for the relationship and he gave you what you wanted. All you can do right now is to give him sometime to cool off after a day or two then text him just to say hello and request to talk to him then take it from there.
Another thing just make sure you don’t compare your partner with your exes. U might have been really hurt in the past but if you don’t open your heart and give this one his chance to prove himself u might end up chasing a good thing away because of your fears. Its good to know what you want and when to arm yourself but its better to know how to get it and how to arm yourself.
Jovial
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