A
female
age
51-59,
*iredofthis
writes:I was at work Saturday past and i was thinking of my ex so i decided to call him, we talked and then he started to bring up the past so it lead to arguing and now he says that he feels good that he made me mad. My question is y do he keeps bringing up the past and why do he like to upset me when he know he was the one who cheated. Now i regret calling him how can i feel better
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2014): You are still at the raw end of grief. Its ok to feel like this. Its a horrible part of the process. Accept it and move on with it. Don't fight it. Let it flow. That's the best way to deal with it...
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (20 March 2014):
 Maybe OP, you needed to call so you could be REMINDED that he wasn't/isn't the guy for you?
Instead of beating yourself up take a little time to be a little introspective - look back and I'm sure you can find plenty of clues to the fact that he is NOT as good of a guy, as you want him to be.
You called him. You didn't met up and sleep with him. Shit happens - move forward.
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A
female
reader, tiredofthis +, writes (19 March 2014):
tiredofthis is verified as being by the original poster of the question Hello to the male reader that said something about me posting something a month ago u r right I just felt like i had to call him I do love and miss him but its just hurt so bad now i am mad at myself for calling him i was doing fine until i called him i know he is no good for me and i need to move on and i am trying its real hard cause i work and come home i know i am not ready for a relationship its just hurts so bad cause i was good to him and he knows this and he do this to me
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (19 March 2014):
 He brings it up because YOU GIVE HIM THE OPPORTUNITY TO DO SO!!!!!
I promise, that, if you never call him again, he will never have a chance to bring up the past and make you upset... There is a clear "cause-and-effect" here... and YOU control it!!!!
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (19 March 2014):
 You called him, in moment of weakness. You loved him and still miss him. Its that simple. He obviously was a real ass to have been arrogant and self righteous when he was the one that betrayed you.
Don't be hard on yourself, you were just vulnerable and missed what you had. You not the only one that has made the mistake to call only to regret it.
The next time you feel weak and want to call him, I suggest you put it off to another day and time. Also call a friend that will talk you out off not getting in touch with the ex. When you put off calling, the moment of weakness passes.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (19 March 2014):
Why? Who knows exactly why but you yourself were dragging through the past by calling him.
He knows exactly how to hurt you and how to get YOU going and last but not least HOW to make you FEEL miserable about yourself. And look he succeeded.
So now you know, calling an ex who WASN'T a stellar guy to begin with is RARELY a great idea. Unless..... you want more heart ache.
You can keep playing these games with him, he will have the fun and you the pain.
AT some point in time you will realize when you smack your head into a brick wall it hurts, and it will only stop when you STOP doing it.
HE isn't the guy you want him to be. He is not going to be a great guy, or faithful, or treat you nice.
So STOP calling him, and STOP beating yourself you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2014): Be gentle on yourself. You are still hurting and confused and dealing with the painful end of something you cared very much about. You made a mistake by contacting him looking fir answers. There are no answers. What you had has gone. You are dealing with the aftermath. Don't listen to people barking on about 'he's your ex why are you contacting him' You already know all that. Just chalk it down to your hurt getting the better of you. I am in the same situation so I know how hard it is. I find just taking one day at a time and accepting your anger and hurt really helps. Do small things for yourself. Let your wound heal naturally and it will. I'm having counselling too. When a person does something bad it's not a reflection of you, it is a reflection of them. You cannot trust a cheat and better to bear the brunt of the pain now. He's blaming you because it makes you wrong. His wirds mean nothing now.It will be ok.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2014): You ask why do he keep bringing up the past, I ask why did you contact him, if you hadn't contacted him he would not have been able to upset you.
Stop contacting him! Why do you want to stay in contact with a man who cheats and upsets you. Think very carefully about what you are doing here.
Just don't call him any more!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2014): "My question is y do he keeps bringing up the past"My question is why did you give him the opportunity by calling him? "why do he like to upset me when he know he was the one who cheated."Again, why did you give him the opportunity by calling him? "Now i regret calling him how can i feel better"Stop calling him. Less than a month ago you posted that ex was back in touch with you but you hadn't responded, and the consensus was to ignore him and move on.http://www.dearcupid.org/question/why-is-the-ex-back-in-touch-is.htmlObviously the good advice you received then isn't what you wanted to hear, so I'm assuming the responses you get this go-round will fall on equally deaf ears.I can only suggest you seek counseling to try to understand why you're so desperate to cling to whatever it is you're clinging to.
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