A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:How much do you tell a guy about how you're feeling (in the early stages of going out) to let him know you're interested but avoid freaking him out? I'm fairly new to dating again after a long relationship (and over a year of being single after that to build my own life again and work out what I want) and I started dating this great, fun guy about 4 months ago, just casually and seeing each other once a week usually, though sometimes 3-4 times a week. He told me early on that he really liked me and was giving me a lot of other compliments and I wasn't quite sure how to respond to any of it so I probably came across as not that interested. Although I did ask him to do things with me some of the time. We haven't gone any further than kissing. Lately I've noticed he doesn't get in touch with me as often. He has been really busy with work but still, he definitely seems less enthusiastic and I can't help thinking it's because I didn't show enough interest. So is there anything I can do now that wouldn't scare him off but would get the message across that I like him and want to see more of him again?
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female
reader, noonespecial2 +, writes (7 August 2009):
Hi there,
Ask him out - go somewhere fun where he can't help but have a good night. Have a few drinks yourself beforehand to help you relax and just keep saying you're gonna have a great night to yourself, get excited before you go when you're getting ready.
You see, you're concerned about how you're coming across and that concern will make you more introverted and he may pick up on that. Don't think another second about how you come across and focus on the night and having a blast.
I think your confidence is low and you may be anticipating a rejection, not good and don't go there.
Think of all the great qualities you have, write them down, really get in touch with all the great things you have and know that he sees this too.
He said he's busy at work, I'd give him the benefit of the doubt with this.
After you go out and in between dates, make casual contact like you would a girlfriend. Do it in a casual way, contact him to catch up, see what he's been up to and tell him what you've been up to even if you keep the calls short.
If he seems to show more interest again, I would tell him how you feel, tell him you're new to dating again and you want him to show you how to have fun again, see the friend in him and enjoy him.
Ask him how you come across and whether you come across distant.
Most of all, relax and have fun with him, show him the real you, the one that can have fun too. Your past is in your past, time to start dating again and have a ball.
And, most importantly, bring your fun side out, let him see that.
Good luck.
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