A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Ive been having an on off relationship for the last two years.I ended it a couple of times and didnt make any contact for months. He always starts ringing me up again after a few months. I am really in love with him but i dont want to tell him as i am scared of rejection. Is he interested in me or should i just forget about him and move on.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2009): I can't believe people think it's ONLY women who go through this......I'm staggered... :-( I have been in an on off relationship with a woman for nearly 3 years now and she is the one who nearly always dumps me.....I beg her back and up to now she has come back. I lost my self esteem and pride ages ago with this woman because Im totally in love with her......I have begged her to come back again and she is "thinking" about it.....she has asked me back many time also and without fail I have gone back only to be dumped when she has "gone off me" or "doesn't feel that way about me anymore". Yes I have been in tears when I was dumped lost weight could ONLY think about her etc etc etc....all the stuff "only women" are meant to feel........thats actualy misogynistic rubbish to say only women feel that way.
Anyway one more question if anyone can answer it.....why do women like men who are bastards.....yet at the same time say they like nice gentle sensitive men? THEN complain when they get treated badly by men who ARE bastards? I would be fascinated if anyone could answer THAT one?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2007): well.. i'm in the same situation here.... except its been 3 years and still going...
either he dumped me or i dumped him and either i asked him back or he asked me back.
I do love him too. I never tell him that before. ( yes, fear of rejection ) but recently i broke up with him and i asked him back. and i told him that i love him.
to be honest... i lost all my pride. If i have to lose it and found the asnwer. good or bad... so be it!! it'll worth the pain. ( correct me if i'm wrong).
and It is true if its lack of commitment and/ or communication and/or either one of us is being immature. Which i think it would be me.
Lets try together... I'm trying to improve my communication , and see if he is willing to commit even more. If not than we just have to let them go.
Painfull!!! yes..!! i cried most of the time while he is probably having fun!!
its damn hard to be a woman. but lets keep trying. Gambatte!!!!
You're not alone....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2007): Well i do understand how you feel. me myself been in on and off relationship for 3 years. Either he dumped me or I dumped him...
but i'm very much still in love with him and hate him at the same time.. (yeah tell me about it).
until now we still have a fight... sometimes I just gave up... break up and them make up again....
i dont knw wat kind of advise to give to you.. just follow your heart... but know as well what you are into... and prepare for the worst...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2007):
I think that you deserve much better than this. You seems to be an honest, loving person and it is difficult to let go when you really love someone, but you should break free. With time, the pain will be less and you will see how much better you will feel.
I feel your pain, and I am praying for you. Good Luck my dear, all the best.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2007): The health of a relationship is indicated by how stable it is. The on again off again relationship is the worst kind, as it indicates lack of commitment, incompatibility, poor communication and unfair fighting most of the time....usually do to the immaturity of one or both of the partners.
Your boyfriend rings you up when he feels like it because he knows you will take him back, he seems to me to be taking advantage of you, most likely for the convenient sex. There are a lot of women who write here for advice who are going through the same thing....so don't feel stupid it happens to us women, we get attached, we get addicted and we are taught to work at relationships....problem is, when it is not reciprocal, it can really make you lose your self esteem.
If you want to tell him how you feel and ask for that commitment from him, if he does not want to give it to you, tell him you understand, but you think you deserve better and will have to move on, and ask him not to contact you again, ever. That way you will get the answer you are looking for, and it could be the one you want, but if it is not (as I think you suspect he is not that interested in a permanent relationship with you) then you will be free of him and you won't waste any more of your time and energy on a yo yo kind of love.
Just remember, getting rid of a bad boyfriend now, means you are that much closer to finding the right guy for you later on.
Good Luck!
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